Allison: I'm in the midst of doing my thesis.
Alvy Singer: On what?
Allison: Political commitment in twentieth century literature.
Alvy Singer: You, you, you're like New York, Jewish, left-wing, liberal, intellectual, Central Park West, Brandeis University, the socialist summer camps and the, the father with the Ben Shahn drawings, right, and the really, y'know, strike-oriented kind of, red diaper, stop me before I make a complete imbecile of myself.
Allison: No, that was wonderful. I love being reduced to a cultural stereotype.
Alvy Singer: Right, I'm a bigot, I know, but for the left.

I’m not a science student. I’m more of a science enthusiast.

Fred

I'm the only one who can walk on both worlds. I'm Ghost Rider

Johnny Blaze

Leo: If you put 'Cut Kittens' the title of your video, you will have a million hits, then you can put that as a link to your standup.
Ira Wright: Why not just put 'Megan Fox giving a blowjob'?

Tristan: You sort of - glitter now. Is it... Is it normal?
Yvaine: Let's see if you can work it out for youself. What do stars do?
Tristan: Hmm... Attract trouble?
[Yvaine pushes him, amused]
Tristan: [grinning] All right, I'm sorry. Let me do another guess. Is it: Do they know exactly how to annoy a boy called Tristan Thorn?

Lt. Col. Frank Slade: Your father pedals car telephones at a 300 percent markup. Your mother works on heavy commission at a camera store. Graduated to it from espresso machines. Hah!
[pause]
Lt. Col. Frank Slade: What are you, dying of some wasting disease?
Charlie Simms: No, I'm right - I'm right here.
Lt. Col. Frank Slade: I know exactly where your body is. What I'm looking for is some indication of a brain. Too much football without a helmet? Hah! Lyndon's line on Gerry Ford. Deputy debriefer, Paris, peace talks, '68. Snagged a silver star and a silver bar. Threw me into G-2.
Charlie Simms: G-2?
Lt. Col. Frank Slade: Intelligence. Of which you have none.

I know the consequences of the choice you're making.

Edward Cullen

Rick Ford: We have to stop the sale of a nuclear bomb. They send in someone who looks like Santa Claus' fucking wife!
Susan Cooper: Uh, did you forget? I am undercover because you are not supposed to be here!
Rick Ford: Welln I make a habit out of doing things that people say I can't do!

Baloo: [scatting] Well, it's a doo-bah-dee-doo, yes, it's a doo-bah-dee-doo, I mean a doo-bee, doo-bee, doo-bee, doo-bee, doo-bee-dee-doo. And with...
Baloo: Well, now. Ha ha! What have we here?
Baloo: Hmmm. Say, what a funny little bit of a...
Mowgli: [slaps Baloo in the nose] Go away!
Baloo: Oh, boy! I've seen everything in these woods. Ooh, what have I run on? What a pretty thing this is.
Mowgli: Leave me alone.
Baloo: Well, now. That's pretty big talk, little britches.
Mowgli: I'm big enough.
Baloo: Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk. Pitiful. Hey, kid. You need help, and ol' Baloo's gonna learn ya to fight like a bear.

English Teacher: I've never met anyone as great as you. I'm really just always attracted to such dirtbag guys. Some bum, some lying pig.
Drillbit Taylor: Stop it. You were starting to rant a little bit.

Colonel Robert G. Shaw: Never, question my authority in front of others.
Major Forbes: Well I is sorry, mas'sa. You be the boss-man now and all us chill'ins must learn your ways.

[helping sick Lindsay into pajamas] I won't look, I promise. Okay, I looked.

Ben

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