If its yellow let it mellow, if its brown flush it down... Oops, looks like I forgot my own rule
[flushes the toilet]

Bernie Focker

You are NOT my mother.

Coraline Jones

Boys, you got to learn not to talk to nuns that way.

Curtis

Mr. Potato Head: Can we stop? My parts are killing me.
Buzz Lightyear: How about a quick roll call? Everybody here?
Mr. Potato Head: Not everybody.
Buzz Lightyear: Who's behind?
Slinky Dog: Mine...

Walt: Don't you read the business section?
Hal: Why, what's up?
Walt: I just sold my company to Microsoft!
Hal: Yeah, you cleaned up?
Walt: Let's just say if I had an ass, I'd wipe it with twenties.

I know I've made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal. I've still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. And I want to help you.

HAL

Jack: Wouldn't it be great if we heard a train go by in the distance?
Peter: No.
Francis: It'd probably be annoying.

All right, gentlemen. He's got one barrel left. When he fires that, take out your pistols, and shoot him down like the mangy scoundrel he is!

Little Bill Daggett

To Tom and Violet! (Raises a toast) One assumes that everything is going to turn out like some romantic comedy, but most engagements end up like Saving Private Ryan. Good luck. God knows you're going to need it.

Sylvia

Erica: What happened to my sweet girl?
Nina: She's gone!

I gotta get home for dinner. My wife is slowly poisoning me to death and she gets very angry if I'm late.

Morty

Above all

Pi Patel

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