Pratt: Is it true that you went twelve-for-twelve with the Maxim Girls last year?
Tony Stark: That is an excellent question. Yes and no. March and I had a scheduling conflict but fortunately the Christmas cover was twins.
Jacob: Hey Nick, rip off any pop stars lately?
Nick: Today I recorded an original piece... Okay, it was that Lisa Loeb song.
Where, Nancy Drew wants to know where.Jennifer
Dee, when your allergies act up, take out your nose ring.Cher
President Andrew Shepherd: She's questioning your loyalty.
Lewis Rothschild: Hell, I question it all the time.
[Rob turns off Barry's tape]
Barry: OK, buddy, uh, I was just tryin' to cheer us up so go ahead. Put on some old sad bastard music, see if I care.
Rob: I don't wanna hear old sad bastard music, Barry, I just want something I can ignore.
Barry: Here's the thing. I made that tape special for today. My special Monday morning for *you*... special.
Rob: Well, it's fuckin' Monday afternoon! You should get out of bed earlier!
Revenge is not hard to fathom for a man who believes in nothing.James Bond
Toula Portokalos: Ma, Dad is so stubborn. What he says goes. "Ah, the man is the head of the house!"
Maria Portokalos: Let me tell you something, Toula. The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants.
Shaun: What are you doing lying there?
Lance: Oh, my parole officer wants to give me a drug test and I need your urine... can I score some of your piss?
Lance: Awesome, man.
Pee-wee: Life can be so unfair.
Mickey: You telling ME?
Exorcism patient: Isabella...
Maria Rossi: She said my name. How does she know my name?!
Patrick Gates: My first felony.
Ben Gates: Take it from the best. You're a natural.