[Tyler and Narrator are discussing ideal opponents]
Tyler Durden: OK: any historic figure.
Narrator: I'd fight Gandhi.
Tyler Durden: Good answer.
Narrator: How about you?
Tyler Durden: Lincoln.
Narrator: Lincoln?
Tyler Durden: Big guy, big reach. Skinny guys fight 'til they're burger.

Ordell Robbie: Damn girl, you gettin' high already? It's only 2 o'clock in the afternoon. I get my shit done for the day, then I get high. And besides, getting high and watching TV will rob you of your ambition!
Melanie: Not if your ambition is to get high and watch TV...

Sid Garner: Don't let Alan drive, because there's something wrong with him.
Doug Billings: Understood.
Sid Garner: Oh, and Phil either. I don't like him.

Goldmember: Dr. Evil, can I paint his yoo-hoo gold? It's kind of my thing, you know.
Dr. Evil: How 'bout no, you crazy Dutch bastard?

Winston: Hey Steve, ask me ANY movie.
Steve Barker: Okay, hmm... Jaws.
Winston: That's a good movie.

Hey you guys ready to let the dogs out?

Alan Garner

C-3PO: His high exaltedness, the Great Jabba the Hutt, has decreed that you are to be terminated immediately.
Han Solo: Good, I hate long waits.
C-3PO: You will therefore be taken to the Dune Sea, and cast into the pit of Carkoon, the nesting place of the all-powerful Sarlaac.
Han Solo: Doesn't sound so bad.
C-3PO: In his belly you will find a new definition of pain and suffering as you are slowly digested over a thousand years.
Han Solo: On second thought, let's pass on that, huh?

I love you. I'll wait for you. Come back. Come back to me.

Cecilia Tallis

If ANYONE sees Johnny Truelove... tell him that Jake Mazursky was looking for him. Thank you.

Jake Mazursky

I've been swimming in raw sewage. I love it!

Lt. Frank Drebin

Quint: Jesus H Christ, when I was a boy, every little squirt wanted to be a harpooner or a sword fisherman. What d'ya have there - a portable shower or a monkey cage?
Hooper: Anti-Shark cage.
Quint: Anti-shark cage. You go inside the cage?
Hooper: [nods]
Quint: Cage goes in the water, you go in the water. Shark's in the water. Our shark. [sings] Farewell and adieu to you, fair Spanish ladies. Farewell and adieu, you ladies of Spain. For we've received orders for to sail back to Boston. And so nevermore shall we see you again.

Hitch: Lean in, place your hand on the small of her back, say it in her ear like a secret. But watch your hand placement, too high says, 'I just wanna be friends,' too low says, 'I just wanna grab some ass.'
Albert: [making holding gestures at different levels] Okay... Friends. Ass. Me.

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