Austin: Oh, no, I've gone cross-eyed.
Basil: I suggest you don't worry about those things and just enjoy yourself.

[to Paul] Percy met your mouse.

Harry Terwilliger

It seems like Banky has a problem with all things not hetero.

Hooper

Cal: [to Andy about telling Trish he's a virgin] Yeah, you should definitely tell her, because I saw this movie called "Liar Liar" and the message was, "*Don't* lie."
[pause]
Cal: And that was a smart movie.

Gwen: [Mouths] What are you doing here?
Van Wilder: [Mouths] I don't know!

That's not testifying, that's filibustering.

Judge

Max Fischer: Sic transit gloria. Glory fades. I'm Max Fischer.
Rosemary Cross: Hi.
Max Fischer: Hi.

Consult your doctor before using this product. Side effects may include oily discharge, hives, loss of appetite, low blood pressure. If you have diabetes or a history of kidney trouble, you're dead, asshole!

Jack

A heh-heh-heh-heh.

Axel Foley

Your mother and I think that if the American economy can be billions in debt and still survive, so can you.

Graham Bloomwood

Hegep: Is there anything I can do to please you?
Moses: You can stop living like a king. You're not one.

[singing] Now, I'm the king of the swingers, whoa / The jungle V.I.P. / I've reached the top and had to stop / And that's what's botherin' me / I wanna be a man, Man Cub / And stroll right into town / And be just like the other men / I'm tired of monkeyin' around.

King Louie

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