...whatever you wanna tell me, whatever you think might scare me, won't... and I will listen... I will be a good listener to you if that's what you want... and you know, you know... I won't judge you... I can do that sometimes, I know, but I won't... I can... listen to you and you shouldn't be scared of scaring me off or anything that you might think I'll think or on and on and just say it and I'll listen to you...

Jim Kurring

Goddamn FBI don't respect nothin'.


[her campaign speech] Who cares about this stupid election? We all know it doesn't matter who gets elected president of Carver. Do you really think it's going to change anything around here; make one single person smarter or happier or nicer? The only person it does matter to is the one who gets elected. The same pathetic charade happens every year, and everyone makes the same pathetic promises just so they can put it on their transcripts to get into college. So vote for me, because I don't even want to go to college, and I don't care, and as president I won't do anything. The only promise I will make is that if elected I will immediately dismantle the student government, so that none of us will ever have to sit through one of these stupid assemblies again!

Tammy Metzler

Colonel Sandurz: What shall we do now, Sir?
Dark Helmet: Well, are we stopped?
Colonel Sandurz: We're stopped, Sir.
Dark Helmet: Good. Well, why don't we take a five minute break?
Colonel Sandurz: Very good, Sir.
Dark Helmet: Smoke if you got'em.

Chili Palmer: [gets up]
Tommy Athens: Hey, wait. Where are you going?
Chili Palmer: I'm going to the men's. I just had two ice teas.
Tommy Athens: Hey, Chil. How does the movie sound?
Chili Palmer: Well, you don't have a movie yet. You have a setting and a premise. But you don't have character arcs or a plot
Tommy Athens: [while Chili is going to the restroom] Hey, who will play me? Think about that.
Chili Palmer: [turns around] What about Carrot Top?

Craig Jones: Mom, loan me 200 dollars.
Mrs. Jones: Craig, I wouldn't feel comfortable lending you money without a job.
Craig Jones: If I had a job, I wouldn't need to borrow any money.
Mrs. Jones: Exactly.

Oh, you are the loveliest girls that ever I set eyes on. Can you not get them married, Mrs. Dashwood?

Mrs Jennings

A is for Awesome.

Olive Penderghast

Murph: Tell me a little about this electric piano, Ray.
Ray: Ah, you have a good eye, my man. That's the best in the city of Chicago.
Jake: How much?
Ray: 2,000 bucks and it's yours. You can take it home with you. As a matter of fact, I'll throw in the black keys for free.

Leave your troubles outside! Life is disappointing? Forget it!

Master of Ceremonies

We prepared for everything. Not for this. Not for something this size. There's no plan.

John McLoughlin

The last transformer blew. I think we hit oil, either way we's killin wolves!


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