You should be reading stories about bears that go shopping!

Detective John Kimble

Dante Hicks: Who went back there?
Randal Graves: Nobody, I swear!
Caitlin Bree: I feel nauseous.
Dante Hicks: Are you sure there's somebody back there?
Caitlin Bree: Well I didn't just fuck myself! Jesus Christ, I think I'm gonna be sick!
Randal Graves: You just fucked a total stranger?
Dante Hicks: Shut the fuck up!
Caitlin Bree: I can't believe this...
Dante Hicks: Call the police!
Caitlin Bree: No, don't!
Randal Graves: Why?
Dante Hicks: Because there's a stranger in our bathroom and he just raped Caitlin!
Randal Graves: But she said that she did all the work.
Dante Hicks: Would you shut the fuck up! Who the fuck's in our bathroom?

Taki: What did you think he had? Does he look like a man beaten by jacks?
Zizzo: Jacks are a monster compared to the crap you've played.
Taki: Fuuc you... fuck you...
Zizzo: Fuck Me? Fuck You!

Samantha Coleman: You give me this story and I'll have your baby.
John McClane: Not the kind of ride I'm looking for.

Well I'm not a fool. And I'm not capable of being fooled! Not even by a woman.

Norman Bates

This is Ohio. If you don't have a brewski in your hand you might as well be wearing a dress.


Allison: Are you stalking me?
Carl Allen: No, i would never do that.
Carl Allen: Oh by the way, the new furniture looks great from the yard.

Quentin Jacobsen: Interesting capitalization.
Margo: Yeah. I'm a big believer in random capitalization. The rules of capitalization are so unfair to words in the middle.

Oerstadt: You think you know what's coming? You don't have a clue.
Doug Carlin: I know where you're going. I know you're gonna be away for a long time. I know that.
Oerstadt: This case will never even go to trial.
Doug Carlin: No?
Oerstadt: 'Cause I seen what's coming.
Doug Carlin: Did... Have you? What? What is in this glass? You've seen what's coming, huh? Okay, what's coming? You tell me.
Oerstadt: I told you earlier I have a destiny, a purpose. Satan reasons like man, but God thinks of eternity. Well, I prostrate myself before a world that's going to hell in a handbag, 'cause in all eternity, I am here and I will be remembered. That's destiny. A bomb has a destiny, a predetermined fate set by the hand of its creator, and anyone who tries to alter that destiny will be destroyed. Anyone who tries to stop it from happening will cause it to happen, and that's what you don't understand. We're not here to coexist. I'm here to win. So you'd better have some divine intervention, buddy. You're gonna need it.
Doug Carlin: You'd better have some K-Y. You're gonna need it.

I owe you an unpleasant death, Mr. Bond.

Mr. Stamper

Waker! We have a waker! And Santa's in there!

Elf at North Pole Command Center

Big Ed, Great... Big... Ed. Know why they call him that? Because his ideas are big. Someday he's gonna get a really big one, about me. It'll be his last.

Cody Jarrett

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