Adam Flayman: Are you going to his funeral?
Barry B. Benson: No way. Everyone knows you sting someone, you die. You don't waste it on a squirrel. He was such a hothead.

[sees a camera focused on protesters] Who's the clown on Two? Camera Two, are you gonna move or what? We're here for the summit, not the sideshow! I swear it's like training a freakin' dog!

Rex Brooks

KG: Gimme a powerslide. Full throttle.
JB: sssshhhhh...
[Hissing while performing a horrible powerslide]
KG: How did that feel?
JB: Really good. How did it look?
KG: Amazing... ly bad.

Dormer: You shouldn't knock misdemeanors.
Det. Ellie Burr: Oh, but it's small stuff. It gets so boring.
Dormer: It's all about small stuff. You know, small lies, small mistakes. People give themselves away, same in misdemeanors as they do on murder cases. It's just human nature. Aren't you gonna write that down?

This an outrage! I demand a full investigation!

Mortimer Duke

That's where the fish are!

Captain Billy Tyne

I wanted to tell Kyle, I wanted him to know the truth. But the way he looked at me, the way he looked up to me... I just couldn't do it. A hero always tells the truth no matter what people think about him or no matter what the consequences are. And you have always been that way Justin.

Ray Wincott

J.D.: [bringing a box of videos to Judith] Hey, I brought you some more videos. You've got your choice: porno's or monster trucks. Oh, and I got one that's both.

I always thought the joy of reading a book is not knowing what happens next.

Leonard Shelby

Obi-Wan: Luke, there was nothing you could have done, had you been there. You would have been killed, too, and the droids would now be in the hands of the Empire.
Luke: I want to come with you to Alderaan. There is nothing here for me now. I want to learn the ways of the Force and become a Jedi like my father.

The Penguin: By the way, how's Fred Atkins, your old partner?
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Fred? I believe he's... on extended vacation. He's good.
The Penguin: Good?
[Penguin takes out a severed hand]
The Penguin: Hi, Max! Remember me? I'm Fred's hand! You wanna greet any other body parts? Remember, Max. You flush it. I flaunt it.

Earl the Plumber: I been fixing the plumbing in here for ten years. I ain't never had to wear no damn tie before.
Bill Dodge: Well you're a VIP today, Earl, so just shut up.

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