Photographer: I got your picture man, I got your picture!
David Mills: Oh yeah? Detective Mills, M-I-L-L-S, fuck you!

Indiana Jones: [groping Willie] Where's the antidote?
Willie: Oh, listen, I just met you! Oh, I'm not that kind of girl...
Short Round: Hey, Dr. Jones, no time for love. We've got company.

I want what any princess wants - to live happily ever after... with the *ogre* I married.

Princess Fiona

Don't eat the corn dogs.


Cop663: [to new bar of soap] You mustn't let yourself go. You've gained weight so fast. She may have gone but life goes on. You must stop indulging yourself.
Cop663: [to new towel] You're a real disappointment to me. You've changed so much. You can't just switch personality like this. Her walking out is no excuse.
Cop663: [as it drips] It was such a relief when I saw it crying. It may look different, but it's still true to itself. It's still an emotionally charged towel.

Buzz Gunderson: What's that?
Judy: That's a new disease.

Even now I cannot understand the measure of a life, but I can tell you this. I know that when he died, his eyes were closed and his heart was open. And I'm pretty sure he was happy with his final resting place, because he was buried on the mountain. And that was against the law.

Carter Chambers

Jenny Johnson: I gotta go to the bathroom.
Matt Saunders: You didn't just go to the bathroom?
Jenny Johnson: Are you keeping track? That's kind of creepy.

Randal Graves: You know who I could do without? I could do without the people in the video store.
Dante Hicks: Which ones?
Randal Graves: All of them.

I heard. Tore your faces right off. It obviously doesn't do any good to pull your heads off in front of people if they can't see you!


Mike Damone: I mean don't just walk in. You move across the room. And you don't talk to her. You use your face. You use your body. You use everything. That's what I do. I mean I just send out this vibe and I have personally found that women do respond. I mean, something happens.
Mark Ratner: Well, naturally something happens. I mean, you put the vibe out to 30 million chicks, something is gonna happen.
Mike Damone: That's the idea, Rat. That's the attitude.

You know, they should come with a warning. Earrings may come with *penis!*

Jessica (in Clive's body)

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