Colonel Green: You were an accountant in Montreal?
Lieutenant Joyce: Yes, sir. Uh, not really an accountant, sir. That is, I didn't have my charter.
Colonel Green: Exactly what did you do?
Lieutenant Joyce: Well, sir, I just checked columns and columns of figures which three or four people had checked before me, and then there were other people who checked them after I had checked them.
Colonel Green: Sounds a frightful bore.
Lieutenant Joyce: Sir, it was a frightful bore.

I feel the same way as you feel about Botox. Painful and unnecessary.

Samantha Jones

I'll always have a place at the Dairy Queen.

Libby Mae Brown

When my first husband left me I was so angry I wanted to cut his brake cables... but instead we ended up having sex on the elliptical machine.

Maria Kelly

Zack Brown: [suggesting porn titles] Fuckback Mountain!
Miriam Linky: [makes a face]
Zack Brown: Too soon?

We spend more time defending our relationship than actually having one.

Sara

I had to pee, so I did the pullover thing, but I think I dribbled.

Deputy Trudy Wiegel

Everything they've told you is a lie.

Selene

She's being just like Pa. Just Like Pa!

Scarlett

Brodie: Brandi is the past my friend. You face forward, or you face the possibility of shock and damage.
[Brodie gets knocked down by a metal beam]
Brodie: Where the hell did that come from? What's going on here?
T.S. Quint: Looks like a stage is being erected.
Brodie: What is this monstrosity?
T.S. Quint: Maybe it's for the Easter Bunny pictures.
Brodie: Impossible, the Easter Bunny Court is down at the other end of the mall, it's been there since two days after Christmas. I want answers!

I was busted. Set up by the FBI and the DEA. That didn't bother me. Set up by Kevin Dulli and Derek Foreal to save their own asses. That didn't bother me. Sentenced to 60 years at Ottisville. That didn't bother me. I'd broken a promise. Everything I love in my life goes away.

George

Oh God, I'm a dead man.

Al

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