Her husband was too drunk to know he was too drunk to drive.


So I went to her school for that grade. Grade - that's grade twelve. And we meet. She was... fucking like a doll. A beautiful porcelain doll. And the hips, child-bearing hips, you know that? So, so beautiful. And I cheated on her... over and over and over again. Because I wanted to be a man. And I didn't want her to be a woman, you know? A smart, free person who was something! My fucking mind then. So stupid, that fucking mind! Stupid! Jesus Christ! What would I think, did I think for what I'd done? She was my wife for twenty-three years... and I went behind her over and over. Fucking asshole that I am. I'd go out and I'd fuck and I'd come home and get in her bed... and say...”I love you." This is Jack's mother. His mother, Lily. These two... that I had... and I lost. This is the regret that you make. This is the... regret that you make and the something you take and the blah, blah, blah, something, something. Gimme a cigarette. Mistakes like this... you don't make. Sometimes... you make some and OK. Not OK, sometimes, you make other ones. Know that you should do better. I loved Lily. I cheated on her. She was my wife for twenty-three years. And I have a son. And she has cancer. And I'm not there, and he's forced to take care of her. He's fourteen years old. To... to take care of his mother... and watch her die on him. A little kid, and I'm not there. And she does die.

Earl Partridge

[to Kid] You know, I was pissed off at my mom for not telling me about you, but I can see she was right about you.


Spider-Man: Ahem. You know, in the future, if you're going to steal cars, don't dress like a car thief, man.
Car Thief: Who are you? Are you a cop?
Spider-Man: Really? You seriously think I'm a cop? Cop in a skin-tight red and blue suit?

[arrives at party] So should we do a lap before we commit to a location?


[to Randy] Ever since my twelfth, I've been looking forward to my sweet sixteen.


Butch Cassidy: What happened to the old bank? It was beautiful.
Guard: People kept robbing it.
Butch Cassidy: Small price to pay for beauty.

Harry Burns: With whom did you have this great sex?
Sally Albright: I'm not going to tell you that.
Harry Burns: Fine, don't tell me.
Sally Albright: Shel Gordon.
Harry Burns: Shel? Sheldon? No, no, you did not have great sex with Sheldon.
Sally Albright: I did too.
Harry Burns: No you didn't. A Sheldon can do your income taxes, if you need a root canal, Sheldon's your man... but humpin' and pumpin' is not Sheldon's strong suit. It's the name. 'Do it to me Sheldon, you're an animal Sheldon, ride me big Shel-don.' Doesn't work.

Sweet Joesph, my son's a fairy.

Vance Wilder, Sr.

Kermit: And not one single person noticed I'd been replaced by an evil criminal mastermind?
Fozzie Bear: It sounds worse than it was...
Walter: No, it's as bad as it sounds.

Janey: You never noticed my glasses and my ponytail.
Jake: And don't forget the paint-covered overalls.
Janey: Right... you never noticed those either.

[stands tall with a hand over his heart] Mayor Goldie Wilson. Like the sound of that.

Goldie Wilson

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