The Shoveller: Watch it, Spleen, you're going to kill someone with that thing!
Dr. Heller: Oh, no, no, no. All these weapons are completely non-lethal.
The Bowler: Wow. How wonderfully eccentric while simultaneously being a complete waste of our time. Good day, sir. I say good day.

WHAT? You went over my helmet?

Dark Helmet

Well, I... damn. Medical guys. I had a feeling when they started doing all the blood tests that I... I mean, I know it's their asses if I get sick up there but I mean JESUS!

Ken Mattingly

Francis Fratelli: Tell us everything! Everything!
Chunk: Everything. OK! I'll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out... But the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this
Jake Fratelli: I'm beginning to like this kid, Ma!
Mama Fratelli: [tired of Chunk's stalling] Hit puree!

[Ronny to Cousing Betty]
Ronny: Who are you?
Cousin Betty: I am cousin Betty.
Ronny: Are you first?
Cousin Betty: Second.

Det. Bill Mitchell: Hey Keith, let me see your shoe.
Keith Frazier: What?
Det. Bill Mitchell: Lemme see your shoe.
Keith Frazier: Why?
Det. Bill Mitchell: 'Cause I have never seen anyone put their foot that far up a guy's ass.
Keith Frazier: [Busts out laughing] Yeah, I guess I did, didn't I?

Listen, baby, when we first met - you and me - you thought I was common. Well, how right you was. I was common as dirt. You showed me a snapshot of the place with them columns, and I pulled you down off them columns, and you loved it, having them colored lights goin'. And wasn't we happy together? Wasn't it all okay till she showed here? And wasn't we happy together? Wasn't it all OK? Till she showed here. Hoity-toity, describin' me like a ape.

Stanley Kowalski

Patty: How do you go to the bathroom in space?
Jim Lovell: Well, um... I tell you it's a very complicated procedure that involves cranking down the window and looking for a gas station.

Steven Taylor's greatest hits.

David Shaw

[after shooting at kid] Breaks my heart to see a boy that young goin' bad.

Ray

Why can't a woman be more like a man?

Professor Henry Higgins

What are you saying Jake? You knew his would happen?

Neytiri

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