I need a father who's a role model, not some horny geek-boy who's gonna spray his shorts whenever I bring a girlfriend home from school. What a lame-o. Someone really should just put him out of his misery.

Jane Burnham

Theo: Is this one of your sick jokes, Luke?
Luke: What? You really think I wrote that?
Theo: You found it; you could have.
Luke: How, with the twenty-foot ladder I keep in my back pocket?

Hud: Please tell me she lives on the ground floor.
Rob Hawkins: 39th.
Hud: Shit.

Duh duh... duh duh... duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh... Salsa shark! We're gonna need a bigger boat! Man goes into cage, cage goes into salsa. Shark's in the salsa. Our shark.

Randal Graves

A cappella with sock puppets? Genius!

Fat Amy

Honey, this is nasty business.

Corrine Whitman

Stewardess: What did you do to him?
Holly McClane: I knocked two of his teeth out.
Stewardess: Would you like some champagne?

Hey! This is not your toy to play with every time I turn around!

Ronnie Neary

In the three years I followed His ass around Jerusalem, did I ever get laid? Hell no. And I was in my prime. I could've been knee-deep in shepherd's daughters, not to mention fine-ass Mary Magdalene. She had a thing for dark meat, if you follow me.


Merrill: Good enough for me.
Graham Hess: Me too.

I kneel before you not as a prince, but as a man in love... But I would feel like a king if you, Danielle De Barbarac, would be my wife.


Agent 99: Not bad for a rookie.
Maxwell Smart: Not bad for an old lady.

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