You're not funny, Tom. You're fat, and look as though you should be, but you're not.

Soap

Kai: I was afraid prison would make you soft.
Han Sing: People don't get soft in prison.

[to two Korean drug dealers] You dress White, talk Black, and drive Jew.

Tom Ludlow

How many have paid the price for your impatience? How many have died? How much damage have you done, and what is yet to come?

Lieutenant Saavik

Mr. Fox: Mole! What d'you got?
Mole: I can see in the dark.
Mr. Fox: We can use that. Rabbit?
Rabbit: I'm fast.
Mr. Fox: Badger?
Badger: Demolitions expert.
Mr. Fox: What? Since when?

Master Wayne, it's been a long time.

Alfred Pennyworth

Foster: Meow. (5) What is so damn funny?
Larry Johnson: I could have sworn you said meow.
Foster: Do I look like a cat to you, boy? Am I jumpin' around all nimbly bimbly from tree to tree? Am I drinking milk from a saucer? Do you see me eating mice? You stop laughing right meow! (6)
Larry Johnson: Yes sir.
Foster: Meow, (7) I'm gonna have to give you a ticket on this one. No buts meow. (8) It's the law.
[rips off ticket and hands it to man]
Foster: Not so funny meow, (9) is it?
Foster: [Foster gets up to leave, but Mac shakes his hands at him, indicating only nine meows] Meow! (10)

And last week I saw Cameron Diaz at Fred Segal, and I talked her out of buying this truly heinous angora sweater. Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed.

Elle

Mr. Mackey: I want to know where you heard all this horrific obscenities, m'kay?
Kyle: Nowhere.
Stan: We heard them from Mr. Garrison a few times before.
Mr. Mackey: Boys, I seriously doubt that Mr Garrison ever said: "Eat penguin shit, you ass spelunker."

John Smith: [during a car chase] I never told you, but I was married once before.
Jane Smith: [slams on the brakes]
John Smith: What's wrong with you?
Jane Smith: [hitting John] You're what's wrong with me John.
John Smith: It was just a drunken Vegas thing.
Jane Smith: Oh, that's better. That's *much* better.
[pause]
Jane Smith: What's her name and social security number?
John Smith: No, you're not gonna kill her.

Sebastian: I have a reputation to uphold.
Kathryn: Oh, but diddling the therapist's is a challenge.
Sebastian: She was overcharging.

Rickey: What kinda name is LeeJohn anyway?
LeeJohn: My mom had two boyfriends, Lee and John. She didn't know who my daddy was, so she named me LeeJohn.
Rickey: [after a pause] I dunno if I would have shared that.

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