Grandfather: Hullo.
John: He can talk then, can he?
Paul: 'Course he can talk. He's a human being, isn't he?
Ringo: Well if he's your grandfather, who knows! Ha ha ha!

[to Horton] You are a warrior poet!

Morton

Isis: Know what? She's right. See, then we'd be doing them a favor. Then they could feel good about sending raggedy Ann up here to jack us for our cheers.
Torrance Shipman: 'Raggedy Ann'?
Isis: Ugly redhead with a video camera permanently attached to her hand. Y'all been coming up here for years trying to steal our routines.
Lafred: And we just love seeing them on ESPN.
Torrance Shipman: What are you talking about?
Isis: 'Brr, it's cold in here, there must be some Toros in the atmosphere'? I know you don't think a white girl made that shit up. Our future service is over as of this moment.

Jules: I thought you were taking steps to phase out everything that wasn't working in your life.
Wendy: That doesn't leave much.

Todd's looking for you. He is really pissed. You know what he said? This is your worst fuck up ever. Personally, I don't think that's true.

Jeffery

Susan Parrish: What will we do now?
Joe Black: It will come to us.

Lena: How do you say "lost pants" in Greek?
Yia Yia: Greek girls do not lose their pants!

Evelle: Gale? Um, Junior just had a ... an accident.
Gale: What's that, pardner?
Evelle: He had hisself a little ol' accident.
Gale: What do you mean? He looks okay.
Evelle: No. You see, moving though we are, he just went and had hisself a little ol' rest stop.
Gale: [sniffs the air] Well, that's natural.

Opal: Have you been in Vietnam?
Pfc. Glenn Kelly: Huh?
[Nods]
Opal: Yes, you have. I can tell by your face. Was it awful?
Pfc. Glenn Kelly: It was kinda... hot and wet.

All you need is scented candles, massage oil, and Barry White. Write that down.

Van Wilder

I could make a better sex-ed film with my mom!

Eli

Nick Van Owen: You looking for a problem?
Dieter: And I found you, didn't I?

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