Let us have pirates, clowns, and a happy ending, or we shall send you back to Stratford to your wife!

Philip Henslowe

Kathy: You keep away from me! Just because you're a big movie star, wild parties, swimming pools, you expect every girl to fall in a dead faint at your feet. Well, don't you touch me!
Don Lockwood: [chanting] Fear not, sweet lady! I will not molest you. I am but a humble jester, and you? You are to far above me!
[he gets out of the car and closes the door on his coat tails]
Don Lockwood: Farewell, Ethel Barrymore! I must tear myself from your side!
[Don tears his coat. Kathy guffaws as Don walks away]

When we first started hanging out together, this morning, we were just friends; but things change, and I've fallen in love with you. I just know that if you gave me a chance, I could make you feel so good. So I am coming, not as your buddy, and not as a co-counselor, but for the first time as a man - a man who loves a woman, and who wants to hold her and provide for her and, yes, have sex with her; but no, seriously, Katie, I love the way you laugh and I love the way your hair smells and I love it that sometimes for no reason you're late for shul, and I don't care that you're bowlegged and I don't care that you're bilingual - all I know is that I would have said no to every single person on your list because I've always wanted you.

Coop

Oh, never mind. I'm sure you have plenty more poly-blend where that came from.

Nigel

Birds fly to the stars - I guess...

Cosmo Castorini

Ted Nelson, Customer: But why do they put a guarantee on the box?
Tommy: Because they know all they sold ya was a guaranteed piece of shit. That's all it is, isn't it? Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will. I got spare time. But for now, for your customer's sake, for your daughter's sake, ya might wanna think about buying a quality product from me.
Ted Nelson, Customer: [pause] Okay, I'll buy from you.
Tommy: Well, that's ...
Richard Hayden: ...What?

See this system here? This is Hi-Fi... high fidelity. What that means is that it's the highest quality fidelity.

Buck Swope

You see the world through John Malkovich's eyes. Then after about 15 minutes, you're spit out into a ditch on the side of the New Jersey Turnpike!

Craig Schwartz

Go to sleep! Why won't you just go to sleep!

Droz

May God have mercy on Anne's soul.

King Henry VIII

Chef: Why do all you guys sit on your helmets? Soldier: So we don't get our balls blown off.

Woody: [in Bonnie's room; she is playing with her toys and Woody]
[voice box]
Woody: There's a snake in my boot!
[Bonnie pulls his string again]
Woody: I'd like to join your posse, boys, but first I'm gonna sing a little song.
Bonnie: A sheriff!
[she sets Woody down at a table surrounded by stuffed animals]
Bonnie: Move over, Mr. Pricklepants!
[she pushes him aside]
Bonnie: We have a guest!
[she hops from foot to foot]
Bonnie: You want some coffee?
[she sets out cups and pretends to pour from a pitcher]
Bonnie: It's good for you, but don't drink too much or you'll have to - Be right back!
[she runs out the door]
Woody: [Woody looks around, the other toys are still frozen] Pssst! Hey! Hello! Can you tell me where I am?
Mr. Pricklepants: Shh!
[he freezes again]
Buttercup: The guy's just asking a question.
Mr. Pricklepants: Well, excuse me! I am trying to stay in character!
Buttercup: [to Woody] My name's Buttercup.
Mr. Pricklepants: [at Buttercup] Shh!
Trixie: I'm Trixie!
Mr. Pricklepants: [at Trixie] Shhh!
Trixie: [back at him] Shhh!
Woody: [waves his arms] Guys, hey! Look, I don't know where I am...
Trixie: We're either in a cafe in Paris or a coffee shop in New Jersey.
Buttercup: We do a lot of improv here. Just stay loose, have fun, and you'll be fine!

FREE Movie Newsletter