You know, what have we learned here today? Perhaps it's that no one can take your mojo. You can look around all you want, but what you're really trying to find is on the inside. Take care of yourself, and each other.

Jerry Springer

[stands tall with a hand over his heart] Mayor Goldie Wilson. Like the sound of that.

Goldie Wilson

Pop Fisher: Come on, Fowler! Throw strikes!
Red Blow: Fowler's killing worms, Pop.

Young Dr. Evil: Would it kill you to put on some clothes? Honestly it's like living with frickin Sasquatch.
Young Austin Powers: Hey, have you seen my Balzac?
Young Dr. Evil: I'm looking at your Balzac right now.

I hereby demand the sum... OF ONE ... MILLION ... DOLLARS!

Dr. Evil

Jimmy Smith Jr: I don't give a fuck, man. I'm sick of you always thinking to know what's best for me, dog. You ain't my fucking father. I'm a grown man.
Future: Look, Jimmy...
Jimmy Smith Jr: Look, Jimmy, nothing. Fuck you. I told you not to fucking sign me up.
Future: What the fuck, you wanna fight me now, huh?
Jimmy Smith Jr: You ain't the future of shit, bitch. You're just David fuckin' Porter.
Future: You know what? Do what the fuck you wanna do, 'cause I don't give a shit anymore. I really fuckin' don't.

Miles Raymond: Did you read the latest draft, by the way?
Jack: Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Miles Raymond: And?
Jack: It's great. I mean there are so many improvements. It's much tighter, just seems... I don't know, more congealed or something.
Miles Raymond: Mm-hmm. What about the new ending? Did you like that?
Jack: Oh, yeah. New ending vastly superior to the old ending.
Miles Raymond: There is no new ending. Page 750 on is exactly the same.
Jack: [pause] Well... maybe it just seemed new because everything leading up to it was so different?
Miles Raymond: [sarcastically] Yeah, that must be it!

Matt, stop being so nice to me. I don't deserve it. Do you know what kind of person I am now, I mean - do you know who I am right now? I don't have any real friends. I did something bad with a married guy. I don't talk to my mom and dad. I'm not a nice person. And the thing is - I'm not 13 anymore.

Jenna

James Van Der Beek: [about Dawson's Creek] You actually watch that show?
Jay: Yeah, for Joey, man. She is too fine. Did you ever get to third base with her?
James Van Der Beek: Well, actually there was this one time..

You let her go, you fuckin' asshole, or I'm gon' splatter your ugly face all over this nice car!

Louise Sawyer

We decided to leave town just one damn day to late!

Valentine McKee

Hello, ma'am. Your daughter, she's done a great injustice, so we've come here seeking revenge. You see, we may not look like much, but between the three of us we have five legs, four eyes and two and a half pairs of working lungs, but we also have two dozen eggs, so if I were you, I would go back inside.

Augustus Waters

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