Whoa! Listen to what you're saying. You're telling me that I was supposed to be sensitive to the possibility that a Catholic priest might have a crush on my secret girlfriend?

Rabbi Jake Schram

Jessica (in Clive's body): [disguised as Taquito; as Carol tries to kiss him] Carol, please! This would be wrong for me in at least five different ways!
Carol Spencer: [pulling away] You mean... you like men?
Jessica (in Clive's body): Of course! What did you think?

Tony Mendez: You really know Warren Beatty?
Lester Siegel: Yes, I do. I took a leak next to him at a Golden Globes party once.

Col. Quaritch: I take care of my own son. You get me what I need, I make sure that when you rotate home you get your legs back, your real legs.
Jake Sully: That sounds real good sir.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Alright, here comes the pain!
Burger-Beard: Hah!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Ah!
Plankton: That ain't good.
Patrick Star: They're beautiful.

Sybil Stone: Are those mushrooms?
Meredith Morton: Yes, those are mushrooms.
Patrick Thomas: Isn't Everett allergic to mushrooms?
Meredith Morton: He is?
Ben Stone: OK, what we got going on over here? Santa's workshop. Er... OK, wha-what can I do to be of service Meredith, wha-what can I do?
Meredith Morton: Oh, well... I think I'm all set. Everett had to run some errands in town, then he and Thad are going to meet Julie's bus...
Ben Stone: Are those mushrooms?
Meredith Morton: I DIDN'T KNOW!

Vincent Cadby: [Ace moans and howls upon entering a room sporting numerous stuffed animal heads] Something wrong, Mr. Ventura?
Ace: Of course not. This is a lovely room of death.

Haven't you seen Boyz N The Hood? Now one of us is going to get shot.

Mike

Serena: Oh, look, there's Elle!
Serena: Elle, we came to see your trial and look! There's like a judge and everything... and jury people.
Margot: VOTE FOR ELLE!
The Honorable Marina R. Bickford: Ladies, take a seat!

Valentine McKee: Come on you two, let's go, we're headed for the mountains!
Burt Gummer: [Grabs a bag of weapons] If that's how we're doin it, we're going prepared!

Look man, this grass is Alabama Creepin' Bend, as opposed to Georgia Creepin' Bend. It's lighter.

Huggy Bear

Robert Wakefield: I can't believe you brought my daughter to this place.
Seth Abrahams: Woah. Why don't you just back the fuck up, man. "To this place"? What is that shit? Okay, right now, all over this great nation of ours, 100,000 white people from the suburbs are cruisin' around downtown asking every black person they see "You got any drugs? You know where I can score some drugs?" THINK about the effect that that has on the psyche of a black person, on their possibilities. I... God I guarantee you bring a hundred thousand black people into your neighborhood, into fuckin' Indian Hills, and they're asking every white person they see "You got any drugs? You know where I can score some drugs?" Within a DAY everyone would be selling. Your friends. Their kids. Here's why: it's an unbeatable market force man. It's a 300 percent markup value. You can go out on the street and make $500 in two hours, come back and do whatever you want to do with the rest of your day and, I'm sorry, you're telling me that... you're telling me that white people would still be going to law school?

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