Colonel Sandurz: [in reference to not wanting to attack Yogurt's lair] But your ring! Don't you wear the schwartz too?
Dark Helmet: No, he got the upside. There are two sides to every schwartz. He got the upside, I got the downside.

Peter "Weps" Ince: Okay. What's gong on?
Zimmer: We're not going to let this go down with the Ex-O and Helm.
Peter "Weps" Ince: We're not?
Zimmer: No. We're not?
Lt. Bobby Dougherty: We've been following the captain for years, and now this asshole Hunter shows up, and we're supposed to follow him because he said so?
Peter "Weps" Ince: You're not supposed to, you were ordered to. That's what this is about, proper orders.
Lt. Bobby Dougherty: Proper Orders? He has proper orders, he wo'nt act on them
Peter "Weps" Ince: He's in command now! If they order him to launch, we'll launch, and we'll blow'em all to hell. But, I rather go down myself then get this one wrong.

In here there's some money. Get some clothiong, toothpaste, deodorant, personal effects, whatever have you. Take a shower! Wash your ass!


Is that regular water?

Cotton Marcus

Buzz: I've set my laser from stun to kill.
Woody: Oh, great. If anyone attacks we can blink em' to death.

Dr. Jules Hilbert: Have you met anyone recently who might loathe the very core of you?
Harold Crick: I just started auditing a woman who told me to get bent.
Dr. Jules Hilbert: Well, that sounds like a comedy. Try to develop that.

Vivian: That would make you a... lawyer.
Edward Lewis: What makes you think I'm a lawyer?
Vivian: You have that sharp, useless look about you.

Mr. Salt: You sure this thing'll float, eh, Wonka?
Willy Wonka: With your buoyancy, sir, rest assured.

Merovingian: Oh my god Persephone, how could you do this? You betrayed me.
[Stream of French]
Persephone: Cause and Effect, my love.
Merovingian: Cause? There is no cause for this. What cause?
Persephone: What cause? How about the lipstick you're still wearing?
Merovingian: Lipstick? Lipstick? Heh, what craziness are you talking about woman? There is no lipstick.
[checks his face]
Persephone: She wasn't kissing your face, my love.

Harold: Dude, we're so high right now!
Kumar: We're not low!

Morgan: They said there are one of two outcomes of an invasion. One: they fight, and are defeated, and have to return again with full forces hundreds or even thousands of years later.
Graham Hess: What's two?
Morgan: They win.

Double or nothing.


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