[about to break into a night club]
Seraph: There are no weapons allowed in this club. At the bottom of this elevator there is a coat check girl and, if we are lucky, a man to check weapons.
Trinity: And if we are unlucky?
Seraph: Then there will be many men.

Santa: I've been to New York thousands of times.
Buddy: Really?
Santa: Mmm hmm.
Buddy: What's it like?
Santa: Well, there are some things you should know. First off, you see gum on the street, leave it there. It isn't free candy.
Buddy: Oh.
Santa: Second, there are, like, 30 Ray's Pizzas. They all claim to be the original. But the real one's on 11th. And if you see a sign that says "Peep Show," that doesn't mean that they're letting you look at the new toys before Christmas.

Randal Graves: Don't worry. His pickle was small enough to stay wedged after only four bites.
Lance Dowds: I bet you're the only guy in the world who still remembers that, Graves.
Randal Graves: Oh, I'm sure you still remember it pretty vividly, Pickle Fucker.

Got to love the Lord for making things like that.

Harry Rex Vonner

I see you've managed to get your shirt off.

Sir Alexander Dane

I will blow your face clean off your face!

Slide

Principal Harbert: People, June is just around the corner, let's talk graduation speakers. Ideas?
Shaun: Toni Morrison, she's in town that same weekend for a book signing. She's won the Nobel Prize.
Principal Harbert: Interesting... Dana, didn't you say you have a cousin who was friends with Britney spears?

Yeah, Doctor Crane, I can't take it anymore, it's all too much, the walls are closing in, blah, blah, blah. Couple more days of this food, it'll be true.

Carmine Falcone

Priest Vito Cornelius: Because it is evil, absolutely evil.
President Lindberg: One more reason to shoot first.
Priest Vito Cornelius: Evil begets evil, Mr. President. Shooting will only make it stronger.

Danny Butterman: What's it like being stabbed?
Nicholas Angel: It was the single most painful experience of my life
Danny Butterman: [nodding] What's the second most painful?

Mary Wilke: I'm honest, whaddya want? I say what's on my mind and, if you can't take it, well then fuck off!
Isaac Davis: And I like the way you express yourself too, y'know, it's pithy yet degenerate. You get many dates?

Jason Tripitikas: [during his training] This is insane!
Lu Yan: [after kicking him to the ground] First rule. Show respect to your teachers.

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