Bobby Jordan: [Pushing Jack into the lockers] Make me laugh, asshole.
Judy Danvers: Jack, come on, he's an asshole.
Bobby Jordan: Shut the fuck up skank.
Jack Stall: [Jack kicks Bobby's buddy in the groin and moves to Bobby] Come her you fuck!
[Jack punches Bobby and brings him to the ground]
Jack Stall: You cocksucking motherfucker!

And I'll be, like, "What, you don't know fuckin' Jay and Silent Bob? The fuckin' mack daddys of fuckin' Jersey?" And she'll be, like, "Oh, I've read on the Internet that youse guys are a couple of little ... fuckholes!"

Jay

Sy Liebergot: Flight... I recommend we shut down reactant valves to the fuel cells.
Gene Kranz: What the hell good is that gonna do?
Sy Liebergot: If that's where the leak is, we can isolate it. We can save what's left in the tanks and we can run on the good cell.
Gene Kranz: You close 'em, you can't open 'em again! You can't land on the moon with one healthy fuel cell!

Go home and get your fucking shine box.

Billy Batts

Come back, you fat, bearded bitch!

Dark Helmet

Dr. Pichlow: I know she'll appreciate all you've gone through to find her. Let's call her.
Harry Dunne: It's ringing!
Lloyd Christmas: [Answering a pink phone] Whoever this is, we're in the middle of something very important here.
Harry Dunne: This is your dad.
Lloyd Christmas: What? Hey guys, I know this is weird timing but I gotta take this. It's my dead dad.
Harry Dunne: She's got me on hold.

I can't fire them. I hired these guys for three days a week and they just started showing up every day. That was four years ago.

Rob

[Fred is moaning, the male cop knocks on the window]
Male Cop: Are you okay?
Grace: Don't worry. This isn't what it looks like.
Fred: Yeah, it isn't.
Grace: I was giving him a faux-job.
Male Cop: A faux-job?
Female Cop: Yeah, that's when a woman goes south on a man but she doesn't use her mouth. So she uses her hands and makes noises.
Fred: Wait, what?

Bellatrix Lestrange: How dare you defy your master!
Dobby the House Elf: Dobby has no master.

[to Joshua] What else are you not telling me?

Su Yueming

Ben: Hey, what's wrong?
Andie: Nothing. It's beautiful.
Ben: Thank you.
Andie: You're beautiful. The game, the whole thing. It's just... I wish I ate meat. Mary had a little lamb, little lamb. You have to take it away before I gag.

Johnny Cash: So, where's your truck driver?
June Carter: Stock car driver. And you'll be happy to know things aren't working out between the two of us.
Johnny Cash: It doesn't make me happy! Well... maybe a little it does.

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