Harold: [awakening from dream after being hit on head] What the hell are you doing? Gawd!
Kumar: You been out cold for the past half an hour. I figured maybe if I did some gay shit, you'd wake up.
Harold: If you did some gay shit? What kinda - where are we? Didn't we come here on a cheetah? Where's the cheetah?
Kumar: It ran away. Listen, forget about the cheetah, okay?

Safety never takes a holiday.

Paul Blart

Carl Fredricksen: Hey, let's play a game. It's called "See Who Can Be Quiet the Longest."
Russell: Cool! My mom loves that game!

You could be happy here, I could take care of you. I wouldn't let anybody hurt you. We could grow up together, E.T.

Elliot

Look, they sent me here to learn your ways. So that one day I could bring this message and that you would believe it.

Jake Sully

Agent Smith: Did you know that the first Matrix was designed to be a perfect human world? Where none suffered, where everyone would be happy. It was a disaster. No one would accept the program. Entire crops were lost. Some believed we lacked the programming language to describe your perfect world. But I believe that, as a species, human beings define their reality through suffering and misery. The perfect world was a dream that your primitive cerebrum kept trying to wake up from. Which is why the Matrix was redesigned to this: the peak of your civilization.

[running ahead of giant gingerbread man] Run, run as fast as you can!

Donkey

Ted: Miss Preston, we'd like you to meet some of our friends.
Bill: This is, uh, Dave Beeth Oven.
Beethoven: Sie sind so schön, Madame.
Bill: And, uh, Maxine of Arc, Missy, Herman the Kid...
Ted: Bob "Genghis" Khan, Dennis Frood, So-crates Johnson, and, uh... Abraham Lincoln.
Miss Preston: It's so nice to meet you all. There's sodas in the fridge.

[of Mr. Smith] Even if that guy was charming and funny, I still wouldn't like him.

Marshall

I'm just going to shoot you once!

Joseph Dunn

You know, I wasn't trying to win you over. I was telling you to fuck off.

Greta

It's customary to sneak out after communion.

Father Brian Finn

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