And furthermore, by way of endorsing my candidacy, the Soggy Bottom Boys are gonna lead us all in a rousing chorus of "You Are My Sunshine."

Pappy O'Daniel

Orlando: Hey dude, what's the matter with you?
Chev Chelios: Look, just give me some coke. You got any coke?
Orlando: Okay, now you're just gonna come up here and insult me...
Chev Chelios: Come on, I don't have time. Just give me something, I'm really dying here.
Orlando: I can see that.
Chev Chelios: You don't understand, I'm really fucking dying.
Orlando: You saying this is medicinal use coke, is that what you're saying?
Chev Chelios: That's right.
Orlando: Well...
Chev Chelios: What?
Orlando: This shit ain't free nigga.

Fiona: Where's Gareth?
Matthew: Torturing Americans.
Fiona: How thoughtful of him.

Buck Laughlin: Tell me, do you know the difference between a rectal thermometer and a tongue depressor?
Nurse: Uh, no.
Buck Laughlin: Remind me never to come to you for a physical!

Michael Newman: [trying to convince him to let the project be procrastinated so he can go camping] Three days? Couldn't I have a little more time for this project?
Ammer: Michael, our clients are Japanese. They can't wait for their fish to cook.

Chili Palmer: Leo, sit down. I don't know how you got this far, you're so fucking dumb. But you're through now, and let me explain why. Ray Bones is the man that you're dealing with now, and when Bones finds out what you did, he's gonna take everything, including the sporty little hat you got on your head. And then most likely he'll shoot you, so you won't tell on him. Now, I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna hurt you. Now you got three hundred and ten thousand in the bag here. I'm gonna take the three hundred thousand that you scammed from the airline, and then the ten that's left over, I'm gonna borrow from you and pay back at another time.
Leo: Wait, you take all my money, but you're borrowing part of it?
Chili Palmer: At eighteen percent. Now don't ask another fucking question, I'm leaving.

Haven't you ever wondered why the crime rate is so low? But the accident rate is so high?

Nicholas Angel

Karen: He likes to butt things... with his head.
Nathan: How proud you must be.

Muriel Dillon: How's my little boy? Getting along OK, sweetie?
Rocco Dillon: As well as a heterosexual can in prison. I don't know how much longer I can take it. How's Tanya?
Muriel Dillon: Tanya's the same. Milky, creamy skin, pouting red lips, firm buttocks, ample breasts, ears you want to stick your tongue into.
Rocco Dillon: Ma, please. I'm gonna get guy cramps if you keep this up.

Sarah Merrit: Do you know the feeling when you're married to a really nice guy?
Dr. Garrigan: You feel like a shit.
Sarah Merrit: Yeah...

She's gone! Oh my God, she used me. I was used. I was used! Cool!

Jim

It's just nice to meet another human that shares my affinity for elf culture.

Buddy

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