What are they gonna say about him? What are they gonna say? That he was a kind man? That he was a wise man? That he had plans, man? That he had wisdom? Bullshit, man!

Photojournalist

The problem is every time I try to get close to somebody it's like there's something out there that just says oh Tibby's about to be happy, better get her.

Tibby

[to Denise Fleming] I did not write 'Denise Fleming is a tampon' on your locker!

Kenny Fisher

A man who was curious to know if a knife could penetrate his bullet-proof vest was killed yesterday by a stab wound to the chest. Witnesses say the man, Jeff Turner, 32, urged his brother, Scott Turner, 35, to stab him as hard as he could, believing the vest would stop the knife. It didn't.

Jimbo

[to Joe] God don't like you... He grew you in a petri dish!

Madea

Karen Holmes: Are these really important?
Sergeant Milton Warden: Yes, but not important they get signed today. Tomorrow's okay.
[She rips them up]
Sergeant Milton Warden: I have copies at the office, so it won't be much work to fix 'em up.
Karen Holmes: That's what I like about you, Sergeant: you have confidence. It's also what I dislike about you.
Sergeant Milton Warden: It's not confidence, ma'am; it's honesty. I just hate to see a beautiful woman going all to waste.
Karen Holmes: Waste, did you say? There's a subject I might tell you something about. I know several kinds of waste, Sergeant. You're probably not even remotely aware of some of them. Would you like to hear? For instance, what about the house without a child? There's one sort for you. Then there's another... You're doing fine, Sergeant. My husband's off somewhere, and it's raining outside, and we're both drinking now. You've probably only got one thing wrong. The lady herself. The lady's not what she seems. She's a... washout, if you know what I mean... and I'm sure you know what I mean!
Sergeant Milton Warden: You going to cry?
Karen Holmes: Not if I can help it. What are you doing?
Sergeant Milton Warden: I'm leaving. Isn't that what you want?
Karen Holmes: I don't know, Sergeant. I don't know.

T.S. Quint: Jesus, how much did you smoke?
Jay: All it took was a phat, chronic blunt. These guys were lightweights.
T.S. Quint: How much do I owe you?
Jay: My treat. As long as you promise that the next time you pop your old lady, you make her call you "Jay." Snootchie Bootchies.
T.S. Quint: Let's hope there is a next time.

You're not afraid of me?

Raven Darkholme / Mystique

Don't pop a blood vessel you little penis.

Chev Chelios

Kumar: [about Doogie Howser, M.D] So, I gotta ask you Neil, did you ever get it on with Wanda off the set?
Neil Patrick Harris: Dude, I humped every piece of ass ever on that show.
Kumar: Even the chick who played the hot nurse?
Neil Patrick Harris: No... I didn't go all the way with her.

Tomar-re: "I've been sent to welcome you here."
Hal Jordan: "And here is?"
Tomar-re: "Welcome to Oa. This planet has been our home for countless millenium. Since time immemorial the Green Lantern Corps has served as the keepers of peace, order and justice throughout the Universe. To be chosen to join its ranks is the highest of honors and the greatest of responsibilities."
Hal Jordan: "Yeah, that part I heard about."
Tomar-re: "We're going to fly now."
Hal Jordan: "Fly?"
Tomar-re: "Absolutely!"
Hal Jordan: "Alright, I can do that."
Tomar-re: "Join me!"

Michael: I'll tell ya one thing, if I find out my life had to end up being in the mountains, it'd be all right, but it has to be in your mind. Nick: What? One shot? Michael: Two is pussy.

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