Trip: See the way I figure, I figure this war would be over a whole lot sooner if you boys just turned right on around and headed back on down that way, and you let us head on up there where the real fighting is.
Heckled Union Soldier: We got men dyin' up that road.
Trip: And there wouldn't be nothing but rebs dyin if they'd let the fifty-fourth in it.

Ricky Slade: Hey Jimmy, you got my pager number?
Jim the Driver: No, what is it?
Ricky Slade: I don't know, I was kinda hoping you knew.

Nelson Mandela: How long before the World Cup?
Jim Fleming: Don't get your hopes up. We're a damn disgrace!

Ah, ah, ah! Nobody says the "B" word!

Beetlejuice

Alan Shemper: When I was at camp, my favorite activity was always arts and crafts. Or, as we used to call it: arts and *farts* and crafts. We used to make drawings... cave drawings! Which is my way of saying we were cave men. I went to camp so long ago that I can remember saying "sticks and stones may break my bones" and meaning it! I went to camp so long ago that fucking Jesus Christ was my counselor! And my best friend hadn't fully evolved yet! His name was Ug and he walked on all fours! There were two epidemics when I went to camp: head lice, and the plague - the bubonic plague!

Nora: Catch me!
[she ballerina jumps into Tyler's arms]
Tyler Gage: [he catches her and holds her] Now what?

Freakshow: What the hell are you doing with my wife?
Harold: Y-you said outside that we could have sex with her!
Kumar: Shit! Shit!
Freakshow: I most certainly did not!
Harold: Yes you did!
Freakshow: Did not!
Kumar: Yes you did!
Freakshow: Oh, no, I didn't.
Kumar: You did, you did.
Freakshow: You sure...?
Harold: You said it!
Freakshow: [laughing] My mistake! Well, since we're all here... How 'bout a four-some?

I just wanna be pure, I just wanna be pure.

Jim Carroll

Libby: You can't even finish your sentence!
Dennis: Oh... don't... don't... don't be... what's the word?
Old Lady: Prick.
[in the English version: "Cock."]

Alex Foreman: You're kind of a bizarrely honest guy, huh?
Carter Duryea: No, just around you.

Dark Helmet: What did you do? You turned it off!
Colonel Sandurz: Turned off what? I just turned off the screen.
Dark Helmet: No, you didnt! You turned off the movie!

The Professor: If I thought there was any chance of changing your mind, I'd talk about Miss Kendall, of whom you so obviously disapprove.
Roger Thornhill: Yes, for using sex like some people use a flyswatter.

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