David: Why do you think your people made me?
Charlie Holloway: We made ya 'cause we could.
David: Can you imagine how disappointing it would be for you to hear the same thing from your creator?

Undercover Officer: You want your son to love you? Don't break the law!
Dennis: Hey! That's entrapment!
[gets pushed to the ground]
Dennis: And that's brutality!

Puss in Boots: I am not looking for trouble. I am but a humble gato in search of his next meal. Perhaps you gentlemen can help me find a simple score.
Bartender: Well, perhaps if one of us were to tell the law that you were in town, we could split the reward. (Another man tries to sneak up on Puss with a sword, and fails)
Puss in Boots: You made the cat angry - you no want to make the cat angry!

Why in God's name would I wanna keep writing about characters whose central preoccupation are weed and dick and fart jokes? I mean, ya gotta grow man. Don't you ever want anything more for yourself? I know this poor hapless son of a bitch does. I look into his sorry doe eyes and I just, I see a man crying out. He's crying out, "When Lord? When the fuck can your servant ditch this foul-mouthed little chucklehead to whom I am a constant victim of his folly, so much so that it prevents him from ever getting to kiss a girl! Fuck! When, Lord when? WHENS GONNA BE MY TIME?"

Holden

Hal: So what do you weigh, like 110? 115?
Rosemary: [sarcastically] Which one of my butt cheeks are you talking about?

Let me ask you this. On a scale of one to ten, what are the chances that you'll be assassinated - one being highly unlikely, ten being you're expecting it around every corner?

Dr. Jules Hilbert

Leprechaun: Are you Holly Kennedy?
Holly Kennedy: If I am will you sing at me?
Leprechaun: Yes.
Holly Kennedy: No, I'm not.
Leprechaun: I could get reported!
Holly Kennedy

James Brennan: Maybe I'm not the right guy to run this game. I really... I think I should probably be on the rides department.
Bobby: Oh, no, no, no. No. You're more of a game guy.
Paulette: Yeah, you're very... you're very gamey.

[pushing elevator buttons] It looks like a Christmas tree!

Buddy

Natalie Rushman: I'm going to enter the facility
[She begins to remove her dress, Happy dodges a car]
Natalie Rushman: Eyes on the road.

Lars Lindstrom: How was the game?
Gus: The cheese inspectors beat the crap out of us.

Senator Kelly: You're evading the real question. Three words: Are mutants dangerous?
Doctor Jean Grey: That's an unfair question, Senator Kelly. After all, the wrong person behind the wheel of a car can be dangerous.
Senator Kelly: Well, we do license people to drive.
Doctor Jean Grey: But not to live.

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