You know something, Verna, if I turn my back long enough for Big Ed to put a hole in it, there'd be a hole in it.

Cody Jarrett

Adrian: Einstein flunked out of school, twice.
Paulie: Is that so?
Adrian: Yeah. Beethoven was deaf. Helen Keller was blind. I think Rocky's got a good chance.

Juno MacGuff: I could like, have this baby and give it to someone who like totally needs it.
Leah: You should look in the PennySaver.
Juno MacGuff: They have ads for parents?
Leah: Yeah! 'Desperately Seeking Spawn.'

[to Doris the Bowler Hat] I am NEVER going to invent you.

Lewis

Caleb Danvers: Our family's first colony house.
Sarah Wenham: Wait, someone lives here?
Caleb Danvers: Just our caretaker, Gorman.

[talking to Ryan on a payphone]
Chad: Dude, I have no idea what just happened. One minute I'm talking to nipples, next thing you know, I'm wearing a whale costume handing out flyers.
Ryan: [laughs] That sucks. Sounds like she got you.
Chad: I mean, I'm not saying it doesn't have its benefits.
[to two girls that pass him by]
Chad: Hey, you guys know that a blue whale's got an 11-foot penis? Heal the Bay.

Sam Loomis: You mean the old woman I saw tonight wasn't Mrs. Bates?
Deputy Sheriff Al Chambers: Now wait a minute, Sam, are you sure you saw an old woman?
Sam Loomis: Yes! In the house behind the motel! I called and I pounded but she just ignored me!

Hermione: Look at my face.
Ron: Look at your tail.

Morgan: We have to tape this.
Bo: My ballet recital!
Morgan: Listen, Bo. This is very important. Everything people have written about in science books is going to change. The history of the world's future is on the TV right now. We need to record this so you can show *your* children this tape and say *you* were there. For your children, Bo.
Bo: My ballet recital!

And I'll be, like, "What, you don't know fuckin' Jay and Silent Bob? The fuckin' mack daddys of fuckin' Jersey?" And she'll be, like, "Oh, I've read on the Internet that youse guys are a couple of little ... fuckholes!"

Jay

Merovingian: Oh my god Persephone, how could you do this? You betrayed me.
[Stream of French]
Persephone: Cause and Effect, my love.
Merovingian: Cause? There is no cause for this. What cause?
Persephone: What cause? How about the lipstick you're still wearing?
Merovingian: Lipstick? Lipstick? Heh, what craziness are you talking about woman? There is no lipstick.
[checks his face]
Persephone: She wasn't kissing your face, my love.

Pastor Arthur Mitchell: Actually, your honor, we have a lot of witnesses here that are willing to testify to a lot of things... like embezzlement.
Tianna: Misappropriation of funds.
Sister Doris: Falsifying documents.
Rickey: Not to mention, wearing an easter suit with a halloween shirt and tie set!

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