You got the wrong guy, ace!

Nick

Colonel Nathan Dudley: Mr. Bonney. Mr. McSween. This is Colonel Nathan Dudley out of Fort Scranton. Come on out, with your hands high.
William H. Bonney: Hahahahahaha! With your hands high? I better reason with him. Hey, Colonel Shithead. You can kiss my ass. Get President Hayes down here, then we'll come out. We'll see how they like that one.

Don't ever let anyone ever say to you, 'You shouldn't regret anything.' Don't do that, don't! You regret what you fucking want! And use that, use that, use that regret for anything, any way you want. You can use it, okay?

Earl Partridge

Sam: You're in it right now, aren't you?
Andrew Largeman: What?
Sam: My mom always says that, when she can see I'm like working something out in my head, she's like, 'you're in it right now' and I'm looking at you're telling this story, and you're definitely in it.

It is only out of sheer morbid curiosity that I am allowing this freak show to continue.

Judge Stevens

[to his daughter Lucilla] If only you had been born a man, what a Caesar you would have made.

Marcus Aurelius

Harry Osborn: Now... lets see who's behind the mask
[pulls off mask and reveals Peter]
Harry Osborn: [stumbles backwards] No... it can't be
Spider-Man: [gets up] Harry, where is he? You have to tell me where he is!
Harry Osborn: [pause] Peter... you killed my father.
Spider-Man: There are bigger things happening here than me and you

Jerry: Have I got things to tell you!
Joe: What happened?
Jerry: I'm engaged.
Joe: Congratulations. Who's the lucky girl?
Jerry: I am!

[to Sam and Long Duk Dong] Wait a minute. I have a wonderful idea! Would you like to go to the dance with Sam?

Dorothy Baker

SpongeBob SquarePants: [They arrived in the human world] Woah! What is this place?
Mr. Krabs: I have a bad feeling about this.
Patrick Star: [they see a foot] Maybe, this guys knows where we are. He looks smart. He's got five heads.
SpongeBob SquarePants: [to the foot] Um, sir, can you tell us where to find the krabby patty?
Patrick Star: Hey! My friend is talking to you.

What ever happened to responsible journalism?

Mayor Kate Hennings

When my foot was in the hole - and my groin - man, I felt like a wishbone.

Saul

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