You know, it's proven that second-hand smoke is, uh, carcin-... uh, you know, cancer related.

Carl Showalter

Harry Potter: I thought you knew what you had signed up for?
Ron Weasley: Yeah, I thought so too

I'm Irish! This is milk to me baby! Milk!

Father Brian Finn

Constantine: My name will go down as the greatest thief of all time!
Dominic Badguy: You mean our names, right?
Constantine: Of course. My name first, then space bump, space bump, space bump, your name...

Protect your fake baby, protect your fake baby!

Linus Caldwell

I'll believe in you all my life.

Elliot

Edward: This is my first vagina.
Ruth: You've never seen one!
Edward: No I feel like I should have a piece of cake or something.
Edward: it's uhh it's it's that, right?
Ruth: Oh yeah, it's this, its like from here to here.
Edward: Oh.
Ruth: But this is just the outside, there's these folds.
Edward: Okay, i'm gonna close the bible now.

All right, Lewis, knock em' dead. That was a figure of speech. Please don't kill anyone.

Mr. Willerstein

I'm not a homophobe, I'm a pulling out-my-penis in-front-of you-ophobe.

Dave Buznik

I sing about what I see.

Billy Quinn

[to John] Come on. You have made millions off the story of her murder. You're obsessed with her and you're obsessed with her daughter.

Jennifer

Emma Dinsmore: Does the fact that you called seventeen times last night with no response from me send any kind of signal to you?
Alex: Yeah, I mean, I'm not an idiot. I figured you probably wanted to talk to me but that your machine was broken.

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