You know, you could stay forever, if you want to. There's one tiny thing we have to do first...

Mother

[yelling to distract vampires] Come get me, motherfuckers!

Eben Olemaun

Roz Focker: Tell me, what's going on with that man of yours?
Dina Byrnes: Well, Jack's always been a little wound up. His job is very stressful.
Roz Focker: Being a florist is stressful?
Dina Byrnes: There's more to it than people think.

They won't leave me alone! I'm a goddamn human piñata!

Conrad

John McClane: That punk pulled a Glock 7 on me. You know what that is? It's a porcelain gun made in Germany. It dosen't show up on you airport X-ray machines, and it cost more than you make here in a month.
Carmine Lorenzo: You'd be a surprised what I make in a month.
John McClane: If it was more than a dollar ninety-eight I'd be surprised.

News Reporter: President Benson, where's your first lady?
President Thomas 'Tug' Benson: I don't know. I've had lots of women. Lost my flower at the age of 15. I can't keep track.

Anna Riley: Don't you have work?
Rabbi Jake Schram: We're doing a hostile takeover of Congregation Bertov Sholem.

Evelyn: Have you got any bright ideas?
Rick: I'm thinking, I'm thinking...
Evelyn: You better think of something fast, because, if he turns me into a mummy you're the first one I'm coming after.

Can I borrow your underpants for 10 minutes?

The Geek

Finding someone you think would be fun to kill is a bit like, well it's a bit like falling in love. You meet a lot of candidates, and you like some of them, and they're nice. But they're not right. And that special one comes along, and your heart beats faster, and you know that's the one.

Mr. Earl Brooks

Have you ever been struck by lightning? It hurts.

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith

You're not a standup guy today, Pat!

Tiffany

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