Alfred Pennyworth: Are you coming back to Gotham for long, sir?
Bruce Wayne: As long as it takes. I'm gonna show the people of Gotham that their city doesn't belong to the criminals and the corrupt.
Alfred Pennyworth: In the depression, your father nearly bankrupted Wayne Enterprises combating poverty. He believed his example could inspire the wealthy of Gotham to save their city.
Bruce Wayne: Did it?
Alfred Pennyworth: In a way. Their murders shocked the wealthy and the powerful into action.
Bruce Wayne: People need dramatic examples to shake them out of apathy and I can't do that as Bruce Wayne, as a man I'm flesh and blood I can be ignored I can be destroyed but as a symbol, as a symbol I can be incorruptible, I can be everlasting.
Alfred Pennyworth: What symbol?
Bruce Wayne: Something elemental, something terrifying.
Alfred Pennyworth: I assume that as you're taking on the underworld, this symbol is a persona to protect those you care about from reprisals.
Bruce Wayne: You thinking about Rachel?
Alfred Pennyworth: Actually, sir, I was thinking about myself.

Ew. EW. EW! It's terrible and wonderful at the same time! It's freedom in a cup!

Elliot

I've just been informed that all your children are missing.

Rosalie Mullins

King Jaffe Joffer: Time does fly fast, my son. It seems only yesterday I ordered your first diaper changed. Now you're a man about to be married. She will give you much pleasure, don't you think?
Prince Akeem: I'm not sure if I'm ready.
King Jaffe Joffer: Son, I know we never talked about this. I always assumed you had sex with your bathers. I know I do.

Why would my picture wind up on a missing person's website?

Nathan

Linus Caldwell: Hey, can I ask you something? You ever notice that...
Rusty Ryan: If you're gonna ask if you can ask me a question, give me time to respond. Unless you're asking rhetorically, in which case the answer is obvious - yes.
Linus Caldwell: Okay, can I ask you...
Rusty Ryan: Yes.
Linus Caldwell: Thanks. You ever notice that Tess looks...
Rusty Ryan: Ooh, don't ever ask that. Ever. Seriously. Not to anyone, especially not to her.

First off, let me just add another congratulations to Evan Backstabber - pardon me, Bastard. Baxter, rather. It is good to see what someone with real talent can do when great opportunities are given to them instead of me. Anyway, I'm here with Katherine Hepburn's mom. Tell me, why did you toss the "blue heart of the ocean" jewel over the railing of Titanic? Did you feel bad at all letting Leo DiCaprio drown, while you were safe floating on the big door? Could you have taken turns, or were you just too afraid to freeze your big fat ass off?

Bruce

Chauffeur: So he says "My wife's a pain in the ass. She's always busting my friggin' agates. My daughter's married to a real loser bastard. And I got a rash so bad on my ass, I can't even sit down. But you know me. I can't complain."
The Dude: Fuckin' A, man. I got a rash, man.

So like, right now for example. The Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all, "What about the strain on our resources?" Well it's like when I had this garden party for my father's birthday, right? I put R.S.V.P. 'cause it was a sit-down dinner. But some people came that like did not R.S.V.P. I was like totally buggin'. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, and squish in extra place settings. But by the end of the day it was, like, the more the merrier. And so if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haitians. And in conclusion may I please remind you it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty. Thank you very much.

Cher

Anna: My uncle has gone missing, since I told you about him translating the diary.
Nikolai Luzhin: Your uncle is fine, he is in Edinburgh, in a 5-Star Hotel. I was ordered to send him to Heaven with a bullet in his brain... instead I gave him a first class ticket to Scotland. He is an old-timer, he understands things... exile or death.

Leah: Woah check out baby big head. That thing is freaky looking.
Juno MacGuff: Excuse me? I am a sacred vessel, alright? All you've got in your stomach is Taco Bell.

Annie, when you're attracted to someone, it just means that your subconscious is attracted to their subconscious, subconsciously. So what we think of as fate is just two neuroses knowing that they are a perfect match.

Dennis Reed

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