You forgot the first rule of mass media, Elliot! GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT!

James Bond

Larry: You shouldn't smoke.
Alice: Fuck off.
Larry: I'm a doctor. I'm supposed to say things like that.

Eskimos seem nice.


Jamie: You learned English?
Aurelia: Just in cases.

I hate your rotten guts!

Carter Chambers

Captain Jason Dahl: Two planes have crashed into the World Trade Center? We just flew out of Newark and the weather was beautiful!
First Officer LeRoy Homer: Must have been student pilots.

Lightning: Hey Webster, show a little respect!
Dante Slate, Jr.: I choose to believe that you just called me Webster because of my dictionary-sized vocabulary, NOT because of my height and race!
Lightning: Nope, it's because you're short and black!
Dante Slate, Jr.: What was Jesus like? I'm curious. Was he cool?

Bo Catlett: It says here you're getting Martin Weir for the part of Lovejoy?
Chili Palmer: That's right, we're getting Martin.
Bo Catlett: Come on, how you gonna do that?
Chili Palmer: I'm gonna take a gun, I'm gonna put it to his head, and say, "sign the fucking papers, Martin, or you're dead." That's it.
Bo Catlett: I wonder, would that work?

Eddie Scrap-Iron Dupris: To make a fighter you gotta strip them down to bare wood: you can't just tell 'em to forget everything you know if you gotta make 'em forget even their bones... make 'em so tired they only listen to you, only hear your voice, only do what you say and nothing else... show 'em how to keep their balance and take it away from the other guy... how to generate momentum off their right toe and how to flex your knees when you fire a jab... how to fight backin' up so that the other guy doesn't want to come after you. Then you gotta show 'em all over again. Over and over and over... till they think they're born that way.

We're talking dream dates compared to my horror. It started out fine, she's a very nice person, and we're sitting and we're talking at this Ethiopian restaurant that she wanted to go to. And I was making jokes, you know like, "Hey I didn't know that they had food in Ethiopia? This will be a quick meal. I'll order two empty plates and we can leave." Yeah, nothing from her not even a smile.

Harry Burns

Alan Bradley: Sam, I was paged last night.
[holds up the pager for Sam to see]
Alan Bradley: The page came from your dad's office at the arcade. That number's been disconnected for twenty years!

Aunt Edna: I was afraid you'd get pulled over, Clark. You've been exeeding the speed limit for thousands of miles!
Rusty Griswold: Dad wasn't speeding. The cop stopped us because Dad forgot to...
Ellen Griswold: He was speeding, Rusty!
Rusty Griswold: No he wasn't, Mom. He...
Clark: Rusty! Listen to your mother. I was speeding. I was driving like a maniac. We can all be grateful for this man for stopping us. You see kids...
Motorcycle Cop: Here's the leash, sir. I'm going back to get the rest of the carcass off the road.

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