Holy shitballs.

Ace Ventura

Preston: I can't believe you pointed at her!
Denise: Look, she didn't see me! What are you, hyperventilating?
Preston: No, I'm hiransing my chi.
Denise: What?
Preston: I'm harnessing my chi.

Captain Dickson: We Jump Street, and we 'bout to jump in yo ass.
Jenko: Mmmm-hmmm.
Schmidt: Right in the crack.

[crying] I asked myself... would I come back for you? And the only answer is a Godless, empty, evil... no. I'm sorry I wouldn't have come back. I'm sorry.

Lewis McBride

Dan: Don't you know anything about your father?
Violet: Yeah.
Dan: What?
Violet: I do. I know what mom says.
Dan: What does mom say?
Violet: She says you're a pathetic loser.
Dan: She says that affectionately.

"If you're asking me if we have dangerous persons on board this train, I can assure you the answer is no."

Colonel Nelec

Al Powell: You ain't pissing in somebody's pool, are you?
John McClane: Yeah, and I'm fresh out of chlorine.

Never attack a drunk guy with a gun.

Principal Gardner

Cassie Cartwright: Just finished my shift. Wanna dance?
Ennis Del Mar: I was just on my way to the...
Cassie Cartwright: I'm Cassie; Cassie Cartwright.
Ennis Del Mar: Ennis. Del Mar.

Ben Gates: Dad, where are the letters?
Patrick Gates: I don't have them, son.
Ben Gates: [pause] What?
Patrick Gates: I don't have them.
Ben Gates: [Another pause] Where are they?
Patrick Gates: I *donated* them to the Franklin Institute in Philadelphia.
Ben Gates: Time to go.

Max Cherry: Jackie wants to give it to you herself, she wants to collect her ten percent. She also wants to explain why she had to hang on to it.
Ordell Robbie: Oh, and I want to hear that shit!

Me and Elwood are gonna make a break for it. Take $1,400 and give it to Ray's Music Exchange in Calumet City. Give the rest to the band.

Jake

FREE Movie Newsletter