Nothing kills me. I'm immune to 179 different types of poison. I know because I ingested them all at once when I was deep undercover in an underground poison-ingesting crime ring.

Rick Ford

Rumack: Can you fly this plane, and land it?
Ted Striker: Surely you can't be serious.
Rumack: I am serious... and don't call me Shirley.

John and Fanny are in town. I think we shall be forced to see them.

Elinor Dashwood

[while waiting on a very tardy psychic] You would he'd be able to predict that the traffic is going to be bad.


Anita: You have your big important council. The council,
Anita: or me.
Bernardo: First one,
Bernardo: then the other.
[Tries to kiss her, she pulls away]
Anita: Ah, I'm an American girl now, I don't wait.
Bernardo: Ah, back home women know their place.
Anita: Back home little boys don't have war councils.
Bernardo: Ah, but they do here. You want me to be an American, don't you?

Dr. P: Every once in a while, a shepherd has to pluck a sheep from the heard and challenge him. It lets the man know he's worthy of leading him.
Roger: Well, you know what? I don't want to be a shepherd anymore!
Dr. P: You're not the shepherd, DUMB ASS, I'm the shepherd! Its called an analogy, moron!
Roger: Look, you dont understand. Everything was going so well between us.
Dr. P: Well, clearly I'm sure you're just days away from adopting a Chinese kid together.

Shaun: What are you doing lying there?
Lance: Oh, my parole officer wants to give me a drug test and I need your urine... can I score some of your piss?
Shaun: Yeah.
Lance: Awesome, man.

I have to see this, Dad. You have to let me go. I want to fight. Please! I have to see this. Just let me go!

Robbie Ferrier

Natalie Hegalhuzen: Tell me about yourself?
Brand Hauser: I'm just doing this gig, trying to make the best of a bad situation, looking for redemption in all the wrong places. Stop me now if I'm rambling.
Natalie Hegalhuzen: Okay, stop.

Ed: You gonna thank me then?
Shaun: For what?
Ed: Tidying up!
Shaun: Doesn't look that tidy.
Ed: Well, I had a few beers when I finished.

Roy Neary: I wanna speak to the man in charge.
David Laughlin: Mr. Lacombe is the highest authority.
Roy Neary: He isn't even an American.

Merchandising, merchandising, where the real money from the movie is made. Spaceballs-the T-shirt, Spaceballs-the Coloring Book, Spaceballs-the Lunch box, Spaceballs-the Breakfast Cereal, Spaceballs-the Flame Thrower.


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