What are you, people? On dope?

Mr. Hand

I loved her so. She knew what I did. She knew all the fucking stupid things I'd done. But the love... was stronger than anything you can think of. God damn regret!

Earl Partridge

[to Dobby] Never try to save my life again.


[practicing his manners] It's a pleasure too meet you! It's a pleasure too meet you


Bryan: I have a daughter who wants to be a singer. I was wondering if you have any tips for her.
Diva: Yeah, I do. Tell her pick another career.

According to Hope, Froyd died of kitty Lukemia. According to me Froyd died of being trapped in a laundry basket for four days without food or water

Augusten Burroughs

Walter Fane: Do you like flowers?
Kitty Fane: No... Well, I suppose. We don't really have them around the house. Mother always says why purchase something you can grow for free, but then we don't really grow them either. It does seem rather silly to put all that effort into something thats just going to die.

Those boys desecrated a burning cross!

Homer Stokes

I think you owe me for deceiving me so exquisitely.


[using profanity for the first time] Oh, shit.


Alan Shemper: When I was at camp, my favorite activity was always arts and crafts. Or, as we used to call it: arts and *farts* and crafts. We used to make drawings... cave drawings! Which is my way of saying we were cave men. I went to camp so long ago that I can remember saying "sticks and stones may break my bones" and meaning it! I went to camp so long ago that fucking Jesus Christ was my counselor! And my best friend hadn't fully evolved yet! His name was Ug and he walked on all fours! There were two epidemics when I went to camp: head lice, and the plague - the bubonic plague!

President James Marshall: I trusted you with my life!
Agent Gibbs: So will the next president!

FREE Movie Newsletter