Jimmy: I want to give you something.
Louise: Give it to me here.
Jimmy: [pulls out at engagement ring] Why don't you try it on? You didn't see that one coming, did you?
Louise: Why Jimmy? Why now?
Jimmy: Try not to get too excited, Louise. I just flew across two states with that ring in my fuckin' hand, and uh... You know I hate to fly.

Katy: Is this really what you're gonna do for the rest of your life?
Boon: What do you mean?
Katy: I mean hanging around with a bunch of animals getting drunk every weekend.
Boon: No! After I graduate, I'm gonna get drunk every night.

A few hours ago, you were giving chai for the phone walahs. And now you're richer than they will ever be. What a player!

Prem Kumar

Hud: [during a very stressful run up stairs] How could they not know anything about it? Unless... maybe they're like, in on it, you know? Like maybe the government created it or something.
Rob Hawkins: Do we have to talk about this now Hud?
Hud: Well, I need to talk about something, because if I don't I'm going to actually shit my pants in this stairwell.

That was a very student film.

Noah (after watching the videotape)

Living like this is a full-time business.

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton

Maybe I'm spending too much of my time starting up clubs and putting on plays. I should probably be trying harder to score chicks.

Max Fischer

Lena: Hey, how did your suckumentary turn out?
Tibby: Uh... uh... well, it actually evolved into something quite different than I expected, so...
Bridget: What are you gonna call it?
Tibby: [thinking] Hmmmm... Bailey.

May your first child be a masculine child!

Randal Graves

Butch Cassidy: Do you believe I'm broke already?
Etta Place: Why is there never any money, Butch?
Butch Cassidy: Well, I swear, Etta, I don't know. I've been working like a dog all my life and I can't get a penny ahead.
Etta Place: Sundance says it's because you're a soft touch, and always taking expensive vacations, and buying drinks for everyone, and you're a rotten gambler.
Butch Cassidy: Well that might have something to do with it.

Julie: If I wasn't me, I'd buy my album.
David: You know, if you can reach one person.

Oh, hello. You're, uh, you're probably here about the story. Elves love to tell stories. I... I'll bet you didn't know that about elves. There's, uh, probably a lot of things you didn't know about elves. Another, another interesting, uh, elfism, uh, there are only three jobs available to an elf. The first is making shoes at night while, you know, while the old cobbler sleeps.

Papa Elf

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