[in unison] Our mom says our dad is a real sex machine.Rina, Tina
Dante Hicks: You ever notice how all the prices end in nine? Damn, that's eerie.
Randal Graves: [reading a magazine] Have you ever wondered how much the average jizz-mopper makes per hour?
Dante Hicks: What's a jizz-mopper?
Randal Graves: He's the guy that cleans up the nudie booth after each guy jerks off.
Dante Hicks: Nudie booth?
Randal Graves: Yeah, nudie booth. You've never been in a nudie booth?
Dante Hicks: I guess not.
Randal Graves: Oh, it's great. There's this glass between you and these chicks, and they put on a show for you for like 10 bucks.
Dante Hicks: What kinda show?
We met upon the level, and we're parting on the square.Burt Ramsey
Thelma: I know it's crazy, but I just feel like I got a knack for this shit.
Louise: I believe you do.
Capt. Ramsey: Short of the outbreak of World War Three, the ship sinking... being attacked by a giant octopus, I'd like to be undisturbed for the next 30 minutes.
Hunter: I'll see to it sir.
[rehearsing his proposal lines to an older woman at the school]
Ben: To say I’m crazy about you doesn’t do you any justice. I adore you. I’m devoted to you. You would make me the luckiest man on the planet if you would be my wife.
Lunch Woman: Eh
Ben: What’s that mean, “eh”?
Jason Biggs: Oh, look at the monkey.
James Van Der Beek: Now you're gonna tell me the monkey's gay.
Jason Biggs: Well, how do you know he doesn't smoke monkey pole?
Marty DiBergi: It's such an interesting concept, mixing mime and food.
Morty the Mime: It's a kick isn't it? Well, I used to be an actor but I could never remember my lines, so I thought "just shut up", you know? Don't say nothing. And my father used to say the same thing to me every dinner time, he used to say to me "shut up and eat", so that's what we do and that's the name of the company "shut up and eat."
Stuart: As if.
Randy: Oh, really, Alicia?
Sydney Ellen Wade: Your boss is the chief executive of fantasy land!
President Andrew Shepherd: Well, let's take him out back and beat the shit out of him!
King of Ward 3: I will not forget you voice!
Doctor's Wife: And I will not forget your face!
Edward Wilson: You are never to tell anyone what it is that I do!
Clover Wilson: What you do? I don't know what you do! You leave at five, you're home at ten, seven days a week! I live with a ghost! I don't know anything about you!