Selina Kyle: It's gonna be a hot time in a cold town tonight.
Bruce Wayne: You've got sort of a dark side, don't you?
Selina Kyle: No darker than yours, Bruce.

Steven: I have this friend and he gave his cable guy $50 and then he got all the movie channels for free. You ever hear of anything like that?
Chip Douglas: [Walks slowly towards Steven] You mean illegal cable?
Steven: Um... Yeah.
Chip Douglas: Who told you that? What is his name? I want it.
Steven: Just forget it.
Chip Douglas: You're offering me a bribe. What you have just done is illegal and in this state, if convicted, you could be fined up to $5,000 or spend six months in a correction facility!
Steven: No, please, that was dumb. I was just making conversation. Forget it.
Chip Douglas: [Bursts out laughing] I'm just jerking your chain! Ha ha ha. The look on your face! Ha ha, you are too easy!
[Laughs harder]
Chip Douglas: Wake up, little snoozy. Smell the smelling salts? Ha ha ha. I'll juice ya up.

Dave Harken: You options are.
Dale Arbus: Legal options.
Dave Harken: JACK SHIT.
Dale Arbus: I heard Jack Lebowitz is that an attorney I'm going to write that down Jack Lebowitz.
Kurt Buckman: Got to be can we get his contact info please.

Nancy Hayes: I dropped out of high school, took a trip to Hollywood, went broke, came home, and hostessed at a strip club.
Jack Ryan: Everybody hostesses, nobody strips.

Miss Ritter: Peter, don't make promises you can't keep.
Peter Parker: But those are the best kind.

Memphis: Still looking amazing.
Sway: While you still look like a bible salesman.
Memphis: You're healed.

Snow White: Right! Ladies, assume the position!
Princess Fiona: What are you doing?
Snow White: Waiting to be rescued!

[while watching Bree dancing] In my next life I want to come back as one of the buttons on the ass pockets of her jean shorts.


Sometimes people need a little help. Sometimes people need to be forgiven. And sometimes they need to go to jail.

Jim Kurring

Benji: How come I'm Pluto? I'm not even a planet.
Brandt: There's always Uranus [grins].
Benji: Hah, that was funny, 'cause you said anus.

Dr. Lars: It's too early to know who's winning the fight: the medicine or the disease.
George Simmons: Did anybody ever tell you, you have a very scary accent?
Dr. Lars: You are a very funny man. I enjoy your movies.
George Simmons: And I enjoy all of your movies.
Dr. Lars: [surprised] Which movies?
George Simmons: The ones where you try to kill Bruce Willis.

Everything Is Awesome!

Emmet [singing]

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