Anita Miller: It's unfair that we can't listen to our music!
Elaine Miller: Honey, it's all about drugs and promiscuous sex.
Anita Miller: Simon and Garfunkel is poetry!
Elaine Miller: Yes it's poetry. It's the poetry of drugs and promiscuous sex. Look at the picture on the cover, they're on pot.

I'm Irish! This is milk to me baby! Milk!

Father Brian Finn

Broadway! I haven't been zis happy since we crushed Poland!

Franz Liebkind

I'm not even supposed to be here. I'm just "Crewman Number Six." I'm expendable. I'm the guy in the episode who dies to prove how serious the situation is. I've gotta get outta here.

Guy Fleegman

Carl Fogaty: Any last words before I blow your brains out you miserable prick?
Tom Stall: [now speaking as Joey Cusack] I should have killed you back in Philly.
Carl Fogaty: [Smiles] Yeah Joey, you should have.

How do you like my English accent? I learned it from the Downton Abbey!

Aldo

Woody: Hey, w-wait, What happened? What happens next? Come on, let's see the next episode!
Stinky Pete the Prospector: That's it.
Woody: What?
Stinky Pete the Prospector: The show was cancelled after that.
Woody: Wait, wait, wait. What about the gold mine and... and the cute little critters and the dynamite? That was a great show! I mean, why cancel it?
Stinky Pete the Prospector: Two words: Sput-nik. Once the astronauts went up, children only wanted to play with space toys.
Woody: I know how that feels.

Fuck you. I wasn't doing anything. You're like the Gestapo.

Caroline Wakefield

Judge Garrett: In this courtroom, Mr. Miller, justice is blind to matters of race, creed, color, religion, and sexual orientation.
Joe Miller: With all due respect, your honor, we don't live in this courtroom, do we?

George: Uhhh, the coach is dismissed by a vote of 48 to 25...
Opal Fleener: I think we should vote again!
Rollin: All those in favor of the coach staying, say 'Aye'
[majority of crowd says aye]
Rollin: All opposed...
[a handful say nay]
Rollin: ... Coach stays!

Sally Albright: I see people.
Harry Burns: See people? Have you slept with one person since you broke up with Joe?
Sally Albright: What the hell does that have to do with anything? That will prove I'm over Joe? Because I fuck somebody? Harry, you're gonna have to move back to New Jersey because you've slept with everybody in New York and I don't see that turning Helen into a faint memory for you. Besides, I will make love to somebody when it is making love. Not the way you do it like you're out for revenge or something.

Deputy Marshal Samuel Gerard: Newman, what are you doing?
Newman: I'm thinking.
Deputy Marshal Samuel Gerard: Well, think me up a cup of coffee and a chocolate doughnut with some of those little sprinkles on top, just as long as you're thinking.

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