Ryan Shoos: We gotta pull the fire alarm, somebody will find us.
Pfeifer Ross: [Upon discovering Charlie is standing behind brandishing his noose] Ahhh! No please no!

Kat Stratford: You're not surrounded by your usual cloud of smoke.
Patrick: I know, I quit. Apparently they're bad for you.
Kat Stratford: You think?

Left Ear: This dude got dogs. I don't do dogs... I had a real bad experience, man.
Charlie Croker: What happened?
Left Ear: I had. A bad. Experience. Damn it. "I'm" deaf.

You traveled the world... Now you must journey inwards... to what you really fear... it's inside you... there is no turning back. Your parents' death was not your fault. Your training is nothing. The will is everything. If you make yourself more than just a man, if you devote yourself to an ideal, you become something else entirely. Are you ready to begin?

Henri Ducard

[last lines]
Matt Saunders: Wanna get a beer?
Professor Bedlam: Sure, let's do it.

Lucy Shepherd: Do you see it as part of your job to torture me?
President Andrew Shepherd: No, just one of the perks.

Don't do it. You won't change who you are. Cheese, Hats, Boxes. They don't make you. "You" make you.

Eggs

Well, everyone knows Custer died at Little Bighorn. What this book presupposes is... maybe he didn't.

Eli

[to the Dragon] Oh, what large teeth you have. I mean white sparkly teeth, I know you probably hear this all the time from your food but you must bleach or something, 'cause that's one dazzling smile you got there and do I detect a hint of minty freshness?

Donkey

Pitka: I am his holyness, the Guru Pitka. My goal is to say: Gee, You are You... TM.

If the younger generation doesn't get into opera, then, guess what? No more opera! An art form has died. If opera goes away, we're fucked!

Mark

I'm not a quack. I'm a mad scientist.

Dr. Cockroach Ph.D.

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