I am Colin. God of Sex. I'm just on the wrong continent, that's all.


Hello, ma'am. Your daughter, she's done a great injustice, so we've come here seeking revenge. You see, we may not look like much, but between the three of us we have five legs, four eyes and two and a half pairs of working lungs, but we also have two dozen eggs, so if I were you, I would go back inside.

Augustus Waters

In the three years I followed His ass around Jerusalem, did I ever get laid? Hell no. And I was in my prime. I could've been knee-deep in shepherd's daughters, not to mention fine-ass Mary Magdalene. She had a thing for dark meat, if you follow me.


Hey! This is not your toy to play with every time I turn around!

Ronnie Neary

Kirk Lazarus: [to Tugg Speedman] Huh! What do you mean "You People?"
Alpa Chino: [stares at Lazarus, and then gets angry] What do you mean "You People?"
Kirk Lazarus: What?

Tony: You heard - it's gonna be a fair fight!
Doc: And that's going to cure something?
Tony: From here on in, everythin's gonna be all right! I got a feelin'!
Doc: What have you been taking tonight?
Tony: A trip to the moon! And I'll tell ya a secret. It ain't a man that's up there, Doc. It's a girl, lady. Buenas noches, Senor.
Doc: Buenas noches? So that's why you made it a fair fight...
Tony: I'm gonna see her tomorrow an' I can't wait!
Doc: Tony... things aren't tough enough?
Tony: Tough? Doc, I'm in love!
Doc: And you're not frightened?
Tony: Should I be?
Doc: [after a pause] No. I'm frightened enough for the both of us.

You can't buy Dave.

Mark Schultz

It's like the nature channel... you don't see Piranhas eating themselves, do you?

Mike McDermott

Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Theresa?

Heather Chandler

Miss Ritter: Mr. Parker! Tardy again?
Peter Parker: Sorry Miss Ritter! It won't happen again, I promise.
Miss Ritter: Don't make promises you can't keep.
Peter Parker: Yeah but those are the best kind.

Joe Reardon: He walked 18.
Larry: New league record!
Joe Reardon: Struck out 18.
Larry: Another new league record! In addition he hit the sportswriter, the public address announcer, the bull mascot twice...
[Joe laughs]
Larry: Also new league records! But, Joe, this guy's got some serious shit.

Razin, Liberius' Lieutenant: [Zhivago is trying to aide a wounded White soldier] It does not matter!
Zhivago: Have you ever loved a woman, Razin? Razin, Liberius' Lieutenant: I once had a wife and four children.

FREE Movie Newsletter