Pete: Wait a minute. Who elected you leader of this outfit?
Ulysses Everett McGill: Well Pete, I figured it should be the one with the capacity for abstract thought. But if that ain't the consensus view, then hell, let's put it to a vote.
Pete: Suits me. I'm voting for yours truly.
Ulysses Everett McGill: Well I'm voting for yours truly too.
Gargamel: I am not obsessed with Smurfs, thank you, I simply can't stop thinking about these little blue beasts every single moment of every single day!... But I need them! It's only by capturing the little munchkins and extracting their happy blue essence that my magic will finally become... not infallible...
Gargamel: INVINCIBLE, yes, thank you! I shall become the most powerful wizard in all of the world!
I wonder what ASAP means anyways. Maybe act swiftly awesome pacaderm.Horton
Charles: Yes, it's odd, isn't it? All these years we've been single and proud of it and never noticed that two of us were, in effect, married all this time.
Tom: Traitors in our midst.
Joe Miller: Who did you get?
Andrew Beckett: What?
Joe Miller: Did you find a lawyer?
Andrew Beckett: I'm a lawyer.
Zeus: Now, where you goin'?
Raymond: To get educated.
Dexter: So we can go to college.
Zeus: And why is that important?
Dexter: To get es-pect.
Zeus: RE-spect. Now, who's the bad guys?
Dexter: Guys who sell drugs.
Raymond: Guys who have guns.
Zeus: And who's the good guys?
Dexter: We're the good guys.
Zeus: Who's gonna help you?
Zeus: *So who's gonna help you*?
Dexter: We're gonna help ourselves.
Zeus: And who do we not want to help us?
Dexter, Raymond: White people.
Zeus: That's right. Now get on outta here. Go to school.
[after Smilee performs an outrageous stunt] Couldn't take the stairs?Barney Ross
Filthy Habit!James Bond
How fickle is woman.Rhett Butler
Logic, logic, logic. Logic is the beginning of wisdom, Valeris, not the end.Captain Spock
Raquel: I mean screwing around is second oldest reason to kill someone.
Emily: Oh really, and what would be the first?
Raquel: Money, honey!
SFC Cunningham: Why weren't you in the pros making stacks of cash and getting your toes licked by beautiful women?
Lionel Prichard: 'Cause he has another record most people don't know about. He has the minor league strikeout record.
Merrill: Hello Lionel.
Lionel Prichard: Merrill's a class-A screw up. He would just swing that bat as hard as he could every time. Didn't matter what the coaches said, didn't matter who was on base. He would just whip that bat through the air as hard as he could. Looked like a lumberjack chopping down a tree. Merrill here has more strikeouts than any two players.
SFC Cunningham: You really got the strikeout record?
Merrill: Felt wrong not to swing.