Listening to this is like having a pine cone shoved up my ass!

Matt Farrell

Thanks for the free money, Bitch.

Jay

William: I will not lose.
Jocelyn: Then you do not love me.

[from trailer] That was one of the finest examples of spiritual guidance I've ever had the good fortune to witness.

Murphy MacManus

Willard: Where you from? You talk funny.
Ren: I talk funny? You should hear you from my end.

President Andrew Shepherd: I've known Bob Rumson for years, and I've been operating under the assumption that the reason Bob devotes so much time and energy to shouting at the rain was that he simply didn't get it. Well, I was wrong. Bob's problem isn't that he doesn't get it. Bob's problem is that he can't sell it! We have serious problems to solve, and we need serious people to solve them. And whatever your particular problem is, I promise you, Bob Rumson is not the least bit interested in solving it. He is interested in two things and two things only: making you afraid of it and telling you who's to blame for it. That, ladies and gentlemen, is how you win elections. You gather a group of middle-aged, middle-class, middle-income voters who remember with longing an easier time, and you talk to them about family and American values and character. And wave an old photo of the President's girlfriend and you scream about patriotism and you tell them, she's to blame for their lot in life, and you go on television and you call her a whore. Sydney Ellen Wade has done nothing to you, Bob. She has done nothing but put herself through school, represent the interests of public school teachers, and lobby for the safety of our natural resources. You want a character debate, Bob? You better stick with me, 'cause Sydney Ellen Wade is way out of your league.

The skin under your eyes is starting to look like Hugh Hefner's ball sack.

Jacob

Hey, these aren't my rules! Come to think of it, I don't have any rules!

Beetlejuice

Cecile Caldwell: This sure doesn't taste like an iced tea.
Sebastian: It's from Long Island.

Sebastian: I have a reputation to uphold.
Kathryn: Oh, but diddling the therapist's is a challenge.
Sebastian: She was overcharging.

Drink it! Drink it! Drink it!

Steve Stifler

Alonzo Harris: Hey, first Damu puts one in his head... I'll make you a rich man.
Bone: You got us twisted, homey. You got to put your own work in around here.
Alonzo Harris: All right, it's like that, Bone ?
Bone: It's like that.

FREE Movie Newsletter