Ray: There's a Christmas tree somewhere in London with a bunch of presents underneath it that'll never be opened. And I thought, if I survive all of this, I'd go to that house, apologize to the mother there, and accept whatever punishment she chose for me. Prison...death...didn't matter. Because at least in prison and at least in death, you know, I wouldn't be in fuckin' Bruges. But then, like a flash, it came to me. And I realized, fuck man, maybe that's what hell is: the entire rest of eternity spent in fuckin' Bruges. And I really really hoped I wouldn't die. I really really hoped I wouldn't die.

Sit yo sexy ass down, so you can watch yourself die!

Matheson

Dan: [impersonating a woman in a chat room] DDW: wait have 2 type with 1 hand am cumming right now... ohohohohoh ohoho hohohohoh ohohohoo hohoooo ooooooooooo oooo oooooooo oooooooooo oooooo oooooo+_*&^%$£!£$%&*&*^%&^%$££D!$ %^&**&**&&*12 3038948485 75us7sjc7d78s8 7o/s8 78us uiu7sbom/
Larry: DOC9: was it good?
Dan: DDW: no

Shut the fuck up, Donny.

Walter Sobchak

Django, and his friend in gray here, Dr. Schultz, are customers. And they are our guests, Stephen, and you, you old decrepit bastard are to show them every hospitality. You understand that?

Calvin Candie

Dory: I saw a boat.
Marlin: You did?
Dory: Yeah, it went by not too long ago. Follow me.

Jacob [scoping out the ski resort]: " I'm gonna make a prediction right now: One of us is gonna start writing a novel, and then we all get snowed in, and then Lou's gonna axe-murder all of us."

Bob Slydell: You see, what we're trying to do is get a feeling for how people spend their time at work so if you would, would you walk us through a typical day, for you?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Bob Slydell: Great.
Peter Gibbons: Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door - that way Lumbergh can't see me, heh - after that I sorta space out for an hour.
Bob Porter: Uhhh. Space out?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah, I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch too, I'd say in a given week I probably only do about 15 minutes of real, actual, work.

Harry Potter: This connection between me and Voldemort, what if the reason for it is that I’m becoming more like him. I just feel so angry, all the time. And what if after everything I’ve been through, something’s gone wrong inside me. What if I’m becoming bad.
Sirius Black: I want you to listen to me very carefully Harry. You’re not a bad person. You’re a very good person, who bad things have happened to. You understand?
[Harry nods his head]
Sirius Black: Besides, the world isn't split into good people and death eaters. We have all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the power we chose to act on. That’s who we really are.

Stan: We're "La Resistance," we want to save Terrance and Phillip and stop the war and stuff.
The Mole: I can't help you. I'm grounded in my room for the next three days.
Kyle: So are we. Our parents think we're home right now.
Stan: Why are you grounded?
The Mole: Why? Because God hates me, that's why. He has made my life miserable. So I call him a cock-sucking asshole, and I get grounded.

Just once I'd like to wake up with more time on my hand than hours in the day.

Will

The Joker: Where do we begin? A year ago, these cops and lawyers wouldn't dare cross any of you. I mean, what happened?
Gamble: So what are you proposing?
The Joker: It's simple: Kill the Batman.

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