Interviewer: Where did you go to school?
Josh: It was called George Washington.
Interviewer: Oh G.W. My brother-in-law got his doctorate there. Did you pledge?
Josh: Yes. Every morning.

The last time I had a pap smear, the guy needed leather gloves and an oyster shucker.

Magda

Princess Leia: Would it help if I got out and pushed?
Han Solo: It might!

Anakin Skywalker: Are you all right? You're trembling. What's going on?
Padmé: Something wonderful has happened. Ani, I'm pregnant.

She's fabulous, but she's evil.

Damian

Chauffeur: So he says "My wife's a pain in the ass. She's always busting my friggin' agates. My daughter's married to a real loser bastard. And I got a rash so bad on my ass, I can't even sit down. But you know me. I can't complain."
The Dude: Fuckin' A, man. I got a rash, man.

Mrs. Fox: You know, you really are... fantastic.
Mr. Fox: I try.

That's a lot of prepositions.

Javier

Stuntman Mike: Do I frighten you?
[Arlene nods]
Stuntman Mike: Is it my scar?
Arlene: It's your car.

Become the animal. Embrace the other side.

William Stryker

Mr. Briggs: Hey, uhh... I might be late to pick you guys up.
Janey: Why, do you have a job interview today, daddy?
Mr. Briggs: No honey, I'll probably just be waaaay too drunk.
Janey: Oh, that's good, we don't want you drinking and driving.
Mr. Briggs: Oh, I'll be driving. I'll just be too shit-faced to remember to pick you guys up.
Janey: Ok, bye, daddy.
[Kisses him on the cheek]
Mr. Briggs: Bye, Pumpkin.

People say Intelligent Design, we must teach Intelligent Design. Look at the human body, is that intelligent? You have a waste processing plant next to a recreation area.

Tom Dobbs

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