Bart: You are my guest, and I am your host. What is your pleasure? What do you like to do?
Jim: I don't know... play chess... screw...
Bart: [quickly] Let's play chess.

Alfred Pennyworth: There's a problem with the graphite, sir. The next 10,000 will be up to specifications.
Bruce Wayne: Well, at least they gave us a discount.
Alfred Pennyworth: Quite so, sir. In the meantime, may I suggest you try to avoid landing on your head?

Half the people in this room are mad at me, and the other half only like me because they think I pushed somebody in front a bus, so that's not good.


Would you like to repeat this hour for eternity?

Room 1408

Rob: Still filming?
Hud: Yeah, people are gonna want to know... how it all went down.

Shall we stop this bleeding?

Abraham Lincoln

Larry: So Anna tell me your bloke wrote a book. Any good?
Alice: Of course.
Larry: It's about you isn't it?
Alice: Some of me.
Larry: Oh? What did he leave out?
Alice: The truth.

Roy O'Bannon: First time you ever see an outlaw?
[Pretty victim nods]
Roy O'Bannon: Scared? Kind of excited, too? All mixed up? Yeah. Last train we robbed we were naked it was so hot out.

Thomas: JIMMY! Can I have your autograph?
Jimmy: Get it off eBay!
Thomas: Who is eBay?

[to two Korean drug dealers] You dress White, talk Black, and drive Jew.

Tom Ludlow

A new era has begun. The age of the Transformers is over...

Harold Attinger

Marguerite, I don't believe you've met my wife.


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