Cher: Daddy, this is my friend, Tai.
Mel: [to Tai] Get the hell outta my chair!

May those who love us, love us. And those who don't love us - may God turn their hearts. And if He cannot turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles, so that we may know them by their limping.

Indian Bartender

First person that comes out this fucking door gets a... gets a *lead salad*, you understand?

Narrator

Are you trying to develop a sense of humor or am I going deaf?

Indiana Jones

[a zombie kills an obese man] Poor fat bastard.

Columbus

Jonas Cantrell: Tell us what we're dealing with. Shelton was a spy...?
Bray: Look, spies are a dime a dozen. I'm a spy. Clyde is a brain. He's a think tank-type guy. His specialty was low-impact kinetic operations.
Nick Rice: That's a hell of a fancy way to say that he kills people.
Bray: We kill people. He figured out how to do it without ever being in the same room. It was his gift, and he was the best. One time, we're tasking this tricky target. I mean, we're usin' cruise missiles and Predators, and we even had a B-2 Bomber flatten this guy's villa with JDAM. Alright, we're burnin' up millions in ordinance and we're gettin' nowhere with this guy. So we call Clyde, and we ask him to solve our problem. Clyde develops a Kevlar thread with a high-tech ratchet made of carbon fiber. Put it in a necktie. Two days later, Mrs. Bad Guy comes home, finds Mr. Bad Guy dead on the bathroom tile, choked to death. What I'm sayin' is, just assume that this guy can hear and see everything that you're doing.
Nick Rice: No. We got him locked away; maximum security.
Bray: He's in jail, it's because he wants to be in jail. He's a born tactician. Every move that he makes, it means something. That cellmate that he killed, what, you think that was random? No. That's a pawn being moved off the board. If I were you, I'd be lookin' for the next piece. Anybody who had anything to do with that case, he's gonna be comin' after you.
Nick Rice: So what are you sayin'? You sayin' we can't stop him?
Bray: Walk into his cell, and put a bullet in his head. Aside from that, no, you can't stop him. If Clyde wants you dead, you're dead.

I can't hate him!

Edie Sedgwick

He lied to me. Now I can't think of one reason big enough for him to lie about that's small enough not to matter.

Patrick Kenzie

Andie: Unattached?
Ben: Currently.
Andie: Likewise.
Ben: Surprising.
Andie: Psycho?
Ben: Rarely, Interested?
Andie: Perhaps.
Ben: Hungry?
Andie: Starving.
Ben: Leaving?
Andie: Now?

There's no "immunity" to bullets!

Jeff Spoder

You guys are pros. The best. I'm sure you can make it out of the casino. Of course, lest we forget, once you're out the front door, you're still in the middle of the fucking desert!

Reuben

Caleb Danvers: Gorman! It's me! It's ok! He doesn't see that well anymore.
Sarah Wenham: You think?
Gorman Twoberry: Who's with you?
Caleb Danvers: Just a friend! Be right back.

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