Coach Ken Carter: I guess I should speak louder so you can hear me?
Worm: Yo dawg we hear you but we can't see you. The glare from your big black ass head is hella shiny man, do you buff it?

Lt. Col. Frank Slade: Ooh, but I still smell her.
[inhales deeply through nose]
Lt. Col. Frank Slade: Women! What can you say? Who made 'em? God must have been a fuckin' genius. The hair... They say the hair is everything, you know. Have you ever buried your nose in a mountain of curls... just wanted to go to sleep forever? Or lips... and when they touched, yours were like... that first swallow of wine... after you just crossed the desert. Tits. Hoo-ah! Big ones, little ones, nipples staring right out at ya, like secret searchlights. Mmm. Legs. I don't care if they're Greek columns... or secondhand Steinways. What's between 'em... passport to heaven. I need a drink. Yes, Mr Sims, there's only two syllables in this whole wide world worth hearing: pussy. Hah! Are you listenin' to me, son? I'm givin' ya pearls here.

Jimmy: THAT was disgusting.
Chazz: THAT, young man, is how babies are made.

Commodus: You and I are not much different. You take life when you have to, as I do.
Maximus: I have only one more life to take. Then it is done.

Y'know, they're hookers. So it's fine.

Ted

Thénardier: Jean Valjean - the old con. You pay up and I'll say where he's gone.
Marius: [handing Thénardier money] Not so loud! Here's for you. God forgive us the things that we do.
Madame Thénardier: How's about some extra on a day so glad. Our little orphan girl, she hasn't done so bad. Raised in a convent, cash to spare - we want our share.
Thénardier: [Marius hands over yet more money to Madame Thénardier] Quite the little nun, ain't she!
Marius: [Marius punches Madame Thénardier across the face. He falls through a door. Marius bends down to Thénardier who is almost unconscious] Where is he?
Thénardier: [cowardly] The convent.

Allison Reynolds: I don't think that from a legal standpoint what he did can be construed as rape, since I paid him.
Claire Standish: He's an adult.
Allison Reynolds: Yeah, he's married too.
Claire Standish: Do you have any idea how completely gross that is?
Allison Reynolds: Well, the first few times...
Claire Standish: The first few times? You mean you did it more than once?
Allison Reynolds: Sure.
Claire Standish: Are you crazy?
Brian Johnson: Obviously she's crazy if she's screwing a shrink.

Hooper: Now... Vader, he's a spiritual brother, y'know, down with the force and all that good shit. Then this cracker, Skywalker, gets his hands on a light saber and the boy decides he's gonna run the fuckin' universe; gets a whole clan of whites together. And they go and bust up Vader's hood, the Death Star. Now what the fuck do you call that?
Banky Edwards: Intergalactic civil war?
Hooper: Gentrification! They gon' drive out the black element to make the galaxy 'safe' for white folks. And Jedi's the most insulting installment! Because Vader's beautiful black visage is sullied when he pulls off his mask to reveal a feeble, crusty, old white man! They tryin' to tell us that deep inside we all wants to be white!
Banky Edwards: Well... isn't that true?

Cal: The problem most men have is they don't know how to talk to women...
Andy Stitzer: You know what my problem is? I am not interesting. What am I supposed to say I went to magic camp? That I'm an accomplished ventriloquist? Oh, I am the 7th degree imperial yo-yo master.

I got a full-on robot chubby.

Evil Ted

The world is moving so fast now that we start freaking long before our parents did because we don't ever stop to breathe anymore.

Kim

Cliff: So, second place... how does it feel?
Torrance Shipman: It feels like first.

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