Henry Gondorff: You not gonna stick around for your share?
Johnny Hooker: Nah. I'd only blow it.

See, it doesn't hurt anyone! Fuck, fuckety, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Cartman

Priest Vito Cornelius: You're a monster, Zorg.
Zorg: I know.

Peter Gibbons: Boy, I'll tell ya, some days... One of these days it's gonna be just like
[He mimics the sound of a machine gun. Brian, a waiter, walks up and does the same and laughs]
Brian: So can I get you gentlemen something more to drink? Or maybe something to nibble on? Some Pizza Shooters, Shrimp Poppers, or Extreme Fajitas?
Peter Gibbons: Just coffee.
Brian: Okay. Sounds like a case of the Mondays.

Jocelyn: Better a silly girl with a flower than a silly boy with a horse and a stick.
Wat: It's called a lance. Hello?

Melissa: I just wish your friends were as mature as you.
Stu Price: They are mature, actually. You just have to get to know them better.
Phil Wenneck: [yelling from outside] Paging Dr. Faggot. Dr. Faggot!
Stu Price: I should go.
Melissa: That's a good idea, Dr. Faggot.

Jesse Aarons: Leslie Burke told me to keep my mind wide open.
Ms. Edmonds: And she's right. With a mind like yours wide open, you could create a whole new world.

Kelly Robinson: Hey, what's this? It looks like a sock.
Alexander Scott: It's a secret spy mask.
[Kelly puts it on]
Kelly Robinson: Hey man, this is a sock!

Alfred Borden: So... we go alone now. Both of us. Only I don't have as far to go as you. Go. You were right, I should have left him to his damn trick. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for a lot of things. I'm sorry about Sarah. I didn't mean to hurt her... I didn't. You go and live your life in full now, all right? You live for both of us.
Fallon: Goodbye.

What's the point of having an Internet connection if you're not using it to look up weird, fucked-up pictures of dirty sex you'd never have yourself?

Randal Graves

David: I dated this girl for four months, and it was the best thing in my life! Until she went down on this guy in... an Escalade, I think.
Andy Stitzer: Where is she now?
David: Oh she's dating some pot dealer which is a stupid horrible decision, but hey - that's her journey. If she wants to be a fucking immature bitch and blow everybody...
[Gets flustered, but calms down]
David: But that's love, man.

Mr. Morgan: I know how difficult it must be for you to overcome all those years of upper middle-class suburban oppression. Must be tough. But the next time you storm the PTA crusading for better... lunch meat, or whatever it is you white girls complain about, ask them WHY they can't buy a book written by a black man!
White Rastas: That's right mon!
Mr. Morgan: Don't even get me started on you two!
White Rastas: [Mumble to themselves]

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