Jordan Belfort: People say shit... I mean like, you married your cousin or some stupid shit.
Donnie Azoff: Yeah, my wife is my cousin or whatever, but it's not like what you think.
Jordan Belfort: Is she like, a first cousin?
Donnie Azoff: Her father is the brother of my mom. Like, we grew up together, and she grew up hot, you know, she fucking grew up hot. And all my friends are trying to fuck her, you know, and I'm not gonna let one of these assholes fuck my cousin. So I used the cousin thing, as like, an in with her. I'm not like, gonna let someone else fuck my cousin, you know? If anyone's gonna fuck my cousin, it's gonna be me. Out of respect.

I'm an unstable psychotic individual with perverted tendencies.

Juvenile Delinquent

Mikey Abromowitz: They do it for the joy and the rapture and the slow-motion instant replay...
Reggie Belafonte: Say, why don't you go over to the snack bar and get yourself a big plate of shut up?

[narrating] This part of my life... this part right here? This part is called "being stupid."

Christopher Gardner

No spell can reawaken the dead, Harry. I trust you know that. Dark and difficult times lie ahead. Soon we must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy.

Dumbledore

Jack Byrnes: Are you still physically attracted to my daughter, Greg?
Greg Focker: Pam? Are you kidding... yes, yes Jack, there's never been a problem with that.
Jack Byrnes: Even after her body has endured the hellish ordeal of birthing twins?
Greg Focker: Yes, even after that, it's all good, it's all good under the hood.
Jack Byrnes: That's disgusting.

Stop kicking people into the pit of death! Honestly!

Traitoro

Dr. Fernandez: [With hispanic accent] It becomes a lethal poison!
Tim Dingman: A little person...?

So you lie to yourself to be happy. There's nothing wrong with that. We all do it.

Teddy

[the Tank Gang is watching the dentist]
Deb: What have we got?
Peach: Root canal, and by the looks of those X-rays, it's not going to be pretty.
Bloat: Dam and clamper installed?
Peach: Yep.

There is a sensitivity thing that some people have. I don't have it. I don't cry at movies, I don't gush over babies, I don't buy Christmas presents 5 months early, and I DON'T tell the guy who just ruined both our lives, "Oh, poor baby." But I do love you.

Avery Bishop

Witch, you cursed me to be this hideous creature! You may strategically place your wonderful lips upon my posterior and kiss it repeatedly!

Barnabas Collins

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