[watching George react to the knowledge that his mother is seriously ill] Magnificent. The boy is gone. In the last 30 seconds... you became a grown-up.

J.M. Barrie

[the Tank Gang is watching the dentist]
Deb: What have we got?
Peach: Root canal, and by the looks of those X-rays, it's not going to be pretty.
Bloat: Dam and clamper installed?
Peach: Yep.

I hate to break it to you, but the American dream is in China.

Bert Hanson

David Seville: Nicely done, Theodore.
[reading the letter]
David Seville: To Dav... let's see it says Merry Christmas, love Theodore. and i'ts got a nice picture of uh... some pineapples?
Theodore: Those aren't pinapples, that's our family!

Jordan Belfort: People say shit... I mean like, you married your cousin or some stupid shit.
Donnie Azoff: Yeah, my wife is my cousin or whatever, but it's not like what you think.
Jordan Belfort: Is she like, a first cousin?
Donnie Azoff: Her father is the brother of my mom. Like, we grew up together, and she grew up hot, you know, she fucking grew up hot. And all my friends are trying to fuck her, you know, and I'm not gonna let one of these assholes fuck my cousin. So I used the cousin thing, as like, an in with her. I'm not like, gonna let someone else fuck my cousin, you know? If anyone's gonna fuck my cousin, it's gonna be me. Out of respect.

Mikey Abromowitz: They do it for the joy and the rapture and the slow-motion instant replay...
Reggie Belafonte: Say, why don't you go over to the snack bar and get yourself a big plate of shut up?

I tea-bagged your drum set!

Brennan Huff

Randal Graves: Why don't you join her and make a little bathroom bam bam?
Dante Hicks: I love your sex talk. It's so kindergarten. "Poo poo". "Wee wee".
Randal Graves: Fuck you.

[narrating] This part of my life... this part right here? This part is called "being stupid."

Christopher Gardner

Han Solo: Together again.
Luke: Wouldn't miss it.
Han Solo: How we doin'?
Luke: Same as always.
Han Solo: That bad, huh?

It feels like I got cat piss in my eyes.

Jackie Moon

Is your child in dire jeopardy? Find out tonight, after the game.

Evan Baxter

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