I was gonna have you sing 'Burn it Up' by the Jonas Brothers, but then I remembered you don't like Indie music.


First person that comes out this fucking door gets a... gets a *lead salad*, you understand?


I have purchased a firearm.


We'll always have Paris. We didn't have, we, we lost it until you came to Casablanca. We got it back last night.


I need to speak to the Jedi Council. The situation has become much more complicated.

Qui-Gon Jinn

Why would my picture wind up on a missing person's website?


Excuse me. I think I had better be where other people are not.


Jacob [scoping out the ski resort]: " I'm gonna make a prediction right now: One of us is gonna start writing a novel, and then we all get snowed in, and then Lou's gonna axe-murder all of us."

I know what I want, because I have it in my hands right now. You.

Gerry Kennedy

Natalie: Terrence started seeing my dad after his mom died. She left him everything. He was 41 when I was 13. He told me I was pretty. And he made me believe it. One day, he broke my collar bone, and I had to hitch-hike to the emergency room, and I passed out on the side of the road, and somebody found me. My dad told him that he'd press charges and that he'd go to jail unless he donated money to my college fund. Then he did. $75, 000.
Augusten Burroughs: That's so great. So if you'd just apply--
Natalie: My dad spent it. Every penny. So that the IRS wouldn't take this house. So... I do know what it's like, Augusten... to love somebody who doesn't deserve it. 'Cause they're all you have. God, I hate my life.
Augusten Burroughs: I hate this kitchen. I need high ceilings.
Natalie: Me too.
Augusten Burroughs: Let's get rid of it then. Let's take down the ceiling.

What's the point of having an Internet connection if you're not using it to look up weird, fucked-up pictures of dirty sex you'd never have yourself?

Randal Graves

You gonna do somethin'? Or are you just gonna stand there and bleed?

Wyatt Earp

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